Destroyer of budgets. Killer of cash-flow. Slayer of savings.
Or is it?
Case in point, myself and Girl B (I really need a new name for her) decided that we would meet in June. But since we’re both horny as rabbits, we’re both so horny that we may be in danger of using various pastry goods for sexual relief (ala American Pie), we miss each other a lot, we’ve decided to try and squeeze in a May meeting. The cost of doing so was enough to give me a little pause (but only a little cause damnit I miss the woman!).
If your brain can't recall exactly what I mean when I referenced "American Pie"... on the right hand side is a delightful little image that should scar you for the rest of your life 🙂
And so an idea for this post entered my head.
What’s more expensive: long distance relationships or “normal” relationships?
My last “normal” relationship ended roughly 6 months ago. And it lasted a little over a year. So therefore my remembrance of the honeymoon period for that particular relationship is a little sketchy (memory like that thingy… swims in water… kinda orange in colour but we refer to it as “gold”… them things). All I know is I spent an inordinate amount of money over that 1 – 2 month period. And on reflection seems to be something that occurs within every “normal” relationship of mine.
My last long distance relationship was about 3 years ago, and I’ve completely forgotten the costs associated with being in one. While the times which you’re actually spending money is fewer whilst in a “normal” relationship, i.e. face-to-face contact dates happen only about every 4 to 6 weeks, the amount you’re spending to logistically make these dates happen feels like a massive hit on the ol’ budget.
So lets all put our budget nerd hats on people, and get this sorted out once and for all.
For the 5-day extravaganza long distance.
- Flights : $900
- Car Hire: $200
- Two (really nice) Restaurant Dates: $200 – $300
- Other expenses: $100 – $200
TOTAL COST: $1400 – $1600
AVERAGE COST EACH DAY: $280 – $320
Note: I have not included what most people would think would be the everyday costs involved with a long distance relationship, notably phone bills and internet bills. This is because my phone plan allows me to talk to any mobile for as long as I want and send as many texts that I want for a flat $65 a month. And my internet bill is also a fixed amount I would have spent over the course of the month anyway, whether or not I was in this relationship or not.
For a normal “honeymoon period” relationship (lets say over a 4 week period for ease of calculation)
- Ten (10) dates (assuming a date night occurs every Friday and Saturday over the 4 week period, with a couple of Sunday Brunches thrown in): $50 – $200 x 10 = $1000 – $2000 (I’ve included a larger variance in pricing due to the fact that since you’re seeing each other every weekend, going out to a fancy schmancy restaurant can’t be on the books all the time)
- Taxi (from the centre of the city to my place is about $20 one-way): $400
- Female friendly food in pantry (an extra $50 per week): $200
- Other expenses: $200 – $300
TOTAL COST: $1800 – $2900
AVERAGE COST EACH DAY: $64.29 – $103.57
As you can see, there is a complete blow out on per-day costs when it comes to long distance relationships. However in doing the above math, it is also clear that if we only meet each other once a month, I come out at the very least $200 better off in a long term relationship (if we use the highest total for the “5 day extravaganza” and the lowest total for “normal”).
Let’s take the worst possible scenario in regards to money spent in each instance and take across a three month period, if we assume that in long distance relationship we meet in person once a month.
Long Distance Relationship = $1600 x 3 = $4800
Normal Relationship (during honeymoon phase) = $2900 x 3 = $8700
Taken over a quarterly period you can see that long distance relationships come to almost half the cost of a normal relationship. While of course that $4800 I may spend is still going to hurt my budget, it’s not going to completely knee it in the balls a leave it lying groaning in agony like the $8700 I may spend on a normal relationship.
So, in conclusion, if you want to be in a relationship yet still maintain a semblance of a budget, long distance relationships are the way to go!
Editors note: Please when reading this take into account my current total bias towards long distance relationships 😛 And seriously, if you’re following any advice you see on this blog, you may need to seek some professional help. Which I’ve just realised is also advice, so please feel free to ignore that too. And that last bit. And this bit. And… aahhh just stop reading.