Category Archives: Fat

Hello running time, you are my church.

Ahhh running.

Maybe it’s just the runner’s high from yesterday, but I’m waxing poetical about running. And while it’s getting a tad colder in Canberra, and also the sun has pretty much set by the time I get home, so I don’t have the opportunity to do my Bridge-To-Bridge run, I am substituting it for some good ol’ treadmill time.

Of course I am by no means a marathon runner. If any of you are picturing a svelte antelope-like creature, bounding tirelessly over the tarmac of the city jungle-scape, you’ve got the wrong blogger in mind.

I probably look more like this…

But there’s something zen-like about loosing yourself in your stride. Ear phones drowning out your measured, rhythmic, sometimes gasping breath. Drowning out the distant burr of traffic. Drowning out the wavering sounds of the conversations of others as you pass them by. A watery grave of melody and music surrounds everything around you.

And while at the beginning of a long run, I do tend to dwell on thoughts which I really shouldn’t be dwelling on, some when throughout my run I let all of that go and there’s nothing in my mind but the basic animal thought of making my body move. My heartbeat, the sweat building down my back and chest , the tread of my feet on the ground, these are all the sensations that matter.

This is my world.

For the next hour (and if I’m feeling very motivated, or the runners high kicks in maybe two hours) these are the only things that matter.

Debt. Work. Friends. Family. Relationships (or my complete and total lack of skill in them). Cars. Television. The Internet. Caturdays. This blog.  All these thoughts stop their constant and never-ending pinballing all over my brain.

And for a little while I’m at peace.

For a little while, I’m sane.

For a little while, at least, I’m free.


Hello 3% raise… woohoo! I’m not sure myself if that’s sarcasm or not

Yes, you saw that right a 3% raise.

But it’s not only me, it’s a government thing. Most government employees are given this raise every year to keep in line with the Consumer Price Index (The Consumer Price Index (CPI) is a measure of changes, over time, in retail prices of a constant basket of goods and services representative of consumption expenditure by resident households in Australian metropolitan areas.)

But the one good thing about this raise is that, it is going to be backdated. Over a 7 month period. That’s 14 payslips. Then the owing amounts is to be provided in a lump sum. Suffice to say it’s turned out to be a fair bit of dosh. My next paycheque will be a total of 150% of my normal gross total. But that of course dumps me into the next tax bracket, so my net pay is actually only going to be 133% of what it would normally be, go figure.

But still that’s an extra 33% on top of my normal income coming in this pay. An extra $650. Dear god, what I could do with that money… *drools and dreams of a walrus singing of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings*

But no.

I aim to be sensible.

I plan to plug at least $400 of that extra $650 into debt. And then take the $200 as splurge money. I may join a gym again. I may buy a game. I may only blow $50 and put the remainder into debt. Whatever. Mainly I can do what I want with it.


I wrote the previous paragraphs, a day before payday.

Now that I have the money, I’ve decided on what I’m splurging on.


I’m getting a guitar.

Yup, you heard that right. I will now begin to mangle my music with my hamfisted, sausage fingered, tin eared self.

So not ONLY will you be subjected to my dating mishaps, my budget failures, my  impersonations of Jabba the Hutt with my stomach, my general facepalm moments in life… now you will also be treated to my awesomely disastrous attempts in learning how to play a guitar.

Cover your ears, lock up your children, hide your alcohol and tighten those chastity belts.

Captain Sweatpants is discovering his inner musician. 😀

Hello goals for a fortnight Thursday: Results for Challenge #1 and New Goal

Okay I’m a day late. But screw it.

So how did I do on my goal for saving at least $237 into my savings account.

Well, I kicked it’s ass, called it names, pulled its pigtails, gave it an atomic wedgie and then made fun of it’s momma, by calling her so fat, her arse looks like two badly parked Volkswagens.

Current total in savings: $258.27!

If any one wants to make "boner" jokes... now would be the perfect opportunity...

Which means I managed to scrounge an extra $31.27 dollars rather than just the $10 I promised myself I would. I know it’s chump change, but the fact I managed to do it, maybe I can manage to do bigger things.

So my next goal for the fortnight: I have to exercise 8 days out of 14 this fortnight. But being already 2 days out of whack (I didn’t exercise yesterday, and tonight I have a drinking session for a farewell) this could be a long shot…


Hello diet, please someone tell me if this is stupid.

Okay, so as everyone knows I’m fat (despite what vodka, 444, Tanner and maxie say… they’re just nice. Or are great liars 😉 kidding, kidding!). But I am trying to lose the weight and also gain muscle, cause while I’m fat I’m also a stick in term of arms and legs. So I look like this:

I am a gluuuue-ton (*sigh* the 90's had the best cartoons)

As well as running 8km (roughly 5 miles) every other day, and then going to the gym for free weight training on the alternative days, rotating muscle groups between chest & arms, then back & legs, I am also trying out this weird diet.

I’m not even sure how I came up with it, but I think it’s because I read in an article somewhere that fat-loss and muscle gain are diametrically opposed to each other in terms of what you have to do calorie-intake wise. Fat loss means fewer calories, while muscle gain requires you to eat as much calories as possible. So how did the person writing the article solve this problem? He puts forward the idea that on days you do cardio, you eat less on days you do weight training you eat more. Simple right?

He didn’t really give any more specifics other than that. So I’ve gone and made up my own. If anyone out there knows anything about nutrition or anything like that, please feel free to blow this out of the water. Note however if you are merely disgusted by the amount of meat I am consuming, well I’m sorry that’s not going to stop 😛

Here goes:

Cardio/Running Days – No Breakfast / Ham & Cheese Sandwich for Lunch / 2 Apples for dinner.

Weight Training Days – Smoothie for Breakfast / Anything I want for Lunch / Some sort of meat for dinner  at least 500g of it (steaks, pork chops, sausages, chicken, whatever).

So thoughts? Am I going about this all wrong? Are those apples going to be the death of me? Where can I add bacon to this? Should I ask that girl out? Where are my pants? Should I do more running/cardio first THEN do weights?

Answers people!

Hello multi-tasking, I’m male… wtf are you?!

Okay I know it’s a stereotype, but for me it’s generally true.

I’m not saying that in the mundane work-a-day sense, of not being able to chew gum and walk at the same time. I mean it in a more all-encompassing view of life sort of way.

Basically, I can only concentrate on one aspect of my life at any one time, if I attempt to do more than one, it just turns into a half-assed, phone-in, mess of epic proportions.

Take for example debt repayment. I am trying to keep this a priority, this includes keeping up this blog with PF type of posts (HAHAHAHAHAHA! PF posts… what the hell are those? :P) but as you can see that’s not happening. It’s because I am currently concentrating on work and building a career. And while the two do tie in to each other (without working I don’t earn the money to pay off my debts, which is why I don’t feel too guilty about writing about it on here) I can slowly feel the debt repayments taking a backseat.

As for my excercise regime, fuggedaboutit. I haven’t done a good work out in about a month. Oh I’ve gone to the gym, and gone for a few short runs, but not to the extent that I was 3 months ago (when I still had hope of becoming a firefighter) and I can feel the belly expanding underneath the suit and tie.

Social life? HA! What the hell is that? I just don’t have the energy or the inclination to go out. Again, yes I have gone out a few times, but usually it’s because I’ve been dragooned into doing so, or I feel obligated. I don’t go out of my way to actually keep it up, usually after work I’m so exhausted that I only have enough energy to cook dinner, read a couple of pages of a book, watch a couple of episodes of a dvd, and I’m off to bed. As for relationships, better that I don’t inflict myself on anyone at this point in time.

This is why I think all you people, who can and do balance all these things are so damn awesome. I mean there are people, who talk about paying off debt, going to work, going to school, getting healthy AND socialising with friends. I feel exhausted just reading their blog, let alone even considering living that life.

So how do you do it kids? How do balance things out, so that everything in your life is awesome.

Yes, you. I’m looking at you. (you know who you are) Speak now!

Hello arteries, you must despise me.

So I went shopping on Saturday and guess what? Bacon was on sale! (nom nom nom BACON! nom nom nom) I managed to get about 5kg for $5!

So basically I’m having bacon as part of every meal for the rest of the week.

But the problem is I don’t really have that big of a repertoire of bacon recipes. I actually don’t have a big repertoire of recipe’s period. I tend to make it up as I go along. So short of cooking a steak, and wrapping that in bacon, does anyone else have good bacon-based or bacon inclusive or bacon friendly recipes?

And just to share here is what I came up with last night for dinner! (I was cooking for two, and she actually enjoyed it. She made a “wtf” face while I was cooking but seemed pleasantly surprised by the results)

So without any ado whatsoever here is, Chicken-Cheese-Bacon-Bake (sauteed in a Fanta/Mountain Dew mix sauce). Note: I don’t recommend anyone eating this, cause seriously after dinner I swear I had cholesterol induced arythmia. Yummy though.

1. Cook about 4 strips of bacon in a shallow pan that you can put a lid on (you only really need 2, but you can munch on the other two strips while youre doing everything else) until crispy.

2. Put bacon aside and using the same pan (dont drain the fat! thats the bit that makes it yummy and the bit that will kill you) add two and a half spoonfuls of butter into the pan. 

3. Bring down to a medium-low heat, then place two whole chicken breast pieces into the pan. Pour quarter a cup of Fanta and a splash of Mountain Dew over the chicken. Place lid on pan.

4. Leave chicken to cook and preheat oven. I don’t read the numbers on the dial of the oven, but the knob is pointing straight down.

5. Break the bacon into little bits. Eat spare bacon. Try not to eat all of it cause youre using the pan now to cook the chicken, and you don’t want to use another pan to cook more bacon cause you’ll have to more to wash when youre doing the dishes when youre done.

6. Burn the sauce a little. Turn the heat down a bit more, add a splash more Fanta.

7. Spend fine minutes looking for tongs to pick up chicken. Find tongs. Chicken is now cooked.

8. Place chicken in pan, and make a fairly deep cut into the chicken breast. Open up the chicken.

9. In the cut you just made, stuff the chicken breast with shredded cheese. Then put more cheese on top. Then more. Then more. Okay enough.

10. Add bacon bits on top of the cheese.

11. Add more cheese. You heard me. Add. More. Cheese!

12. Place in oven, wait until cheese is melted, then serve.

Overfeeds, causes heart palpitations and heart burn in two adults. Will probably kill a gorilla.

You have been warned.

Hello fat, you’re losing.

Along with getting out of debt and going for a career change, I am also trying to lose some weight. If anyone remembers (but why would you?)  the first tag line for this blog was “Okay… I’m not THAT fat”. And I’m not. I’ve just developed a beer belly/gut over the past few years since my metabolism decided to break-up with me when I was 25 or so. But everything else was pretty okay. (Alright for a while there I had some man-boobs, they weren’t massive but they definitely had a boobyish quality rather than a pectoral quality… but shhhhhhhhhh)

The gut was the main concern. And I’m not just talking a little pooch, it got MASSIVE at one stage. I went from a size 28 mens waist (which is the smallest waist size you can get in mens size in Australia) to a very snug size 36. I remember, when my sister was pregnant with her first kid, my gut could compete with her pregnant belly for size. For years I’ve been trying to get my stomach back to acceptable levels.

And so, I am glad to announce, that after 7 months and 1 week of training 5 days a week (4 days of cardio/strength workouts, 1 day of running). I am proud to say that I am back to pooch level, rather than gut level. I’m nowhere near my goal yet, but I could probably nail the firefighter course right now and only die of a heart attack AFTER I had completed all the challenges on the course, not before as what would have been the likelihood if I had attempted to do this at the beginning of this year.

And working out, its addictive.

I find that I look forward to my workout days to see just how much I can push myself this time around. When I started I was struggling to bench press 30kgs (65is lbs), now I can do about 60kg (130ish lbs… but as an aside… seriously Northern Americans, how in the world do you live with the empirical system??). Fifteen more kilos and I can bench press my weight! Which was pretty much the goal.

Running outside is another thing I’ve found to be mildly addictive. Again starting out I could barely do a kilometre, which was basically the run from my apartment to the starting point of the running track. I would be drenched in sweat and panting like a honey badger in heat. Now I can comfortably do 8km (a round trip around the lake and back to my place) and will slowly work my way up to 16km (2 laps around the lake).

But wait. I haven’t told you the best thing yet.

I’m doing ALL this working out for free! And since I’m working out about 4 hours a night. I’m usually too knackered to spend money! Hurrah!

Well okay technically its not free. There is a pretty well equipped gym in my apartment complex, its not big, but it has enough cardio machines and free weights to keep me happy. And I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve seen some pretty crappy gyms attached to apartment complexes over the years. I remember one that was just a room with one lonely exercise bike and a couple of barbels that were too light to be of any use. So I guess I’m paying for the gym through my rent, but technically its still free. Right? Right? Just let this one go okay?

And running? Well I have an ancient pair of joggers that are currently doing the work (they are in desperate need of replacement but I think they can hold out for a couple more months) so I really haven’t paid anything for this one. So this is free! Ha! And plus what other people don’t seem to get is that it is actually relaxing to let your body do all the work and let your mind wander to the nether regions of your mind, find old memories, dust them off and reminisce. Or you could be in a creative mood, and you could spend the time running coming up with brilliant schemes to take over the world. (Mine is to make an app that will control people’s minds through their phone. Muahahahahaha. Don’t steal it!) Or you could just plug-in some headphones, strap on an iPod and just zen out.

I’d say in another couple of months I’d be at my goal.

So… does anyone know if its possible to strikethrough a word in the title of your blog? Since in a few months I may be able to take “Fat” off the list above.  Html doesn’t seem to work. I’ve googled it and someone said that it was possible, another said that it wasn’t
I may have to change my title name, but I don’t really want to because,

a) I’m too lazy to think up of something

b) “In-debt, short with bad teeth” just doesn’t look right


c) I’m lazy 

Any ideas?