Category Archives: Blogging

Hello. Sooooo yadda yadda yadda, it’s 3 years later.


Whoa.

I didn’t even know they saved blogs for that long. And no I haven’t been cheating on you guys, writing on any other blog or dispensing me weirdity on any other sort of medium. I have just been slack 🙂 May the fates forgive me. Bear in mind, I have not written for about 2.5 years, so my use of hyperbole, simile and metaphor could be as bad as…

as..

as..

a really bad thing. *face palm* (get it together man!)

Don’t ask me why I decided to start up writing in this blog again, it just seemed a helluva lot easier than starting a new blog. I’m still going to rant and rave about nothing much at all, at least that much hasn’t changed.

But what has changed in the past few years is my financial position. From the last update I can see that I posted, I was sitting somewhere around the negative $11K mark in overall financial position. As of today, February 20 2015, I am here:

backtobloggin2015

Overall financially, I am now only about $300 in debt. Of course that’s not the figure of my actual debt, which is still sitting around the $7K mark. The graph shows my Total Net Worth, over the last few years I’ve built a small but growing Emergency Fund (roughly about 3 months worth of expenses), started a micro investment fund (less than $5K) and have a few bits and bobs squirreled away for some other upcoming expenses (more about those in another post). The next pay day (due on Thursday 26th of February) will at last see me coming in the positive.

But maybe a little clarification, see that long ass slide from June 2013 to June 2014, well I got hit by unemployment. Don’t ask me why I wasn’t blogging at this time, I think the fact I had a fairly good run of income going, and then yet again lost my job (due to budget cuts in the department) hit me kind of hard. Most of that year was kinda spent in a haze of doubt and self pity. I don’t recall much of it, but I did watch seasons 1-5 of Supernatural more than a few times… all in one sitting… *shame*

So what awaits over the next couple of posts? Well there is a (planned) move in the near future, new city, new job (god please let me get a new job!), new apartment and all the expenses that come with that.

Anyways, I forgot how invigorating and tiring putting down thoughts on paper… err screen, actually is, so I’ll end it here…

For now…

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

Hello, quick update, sorry about not posting blah blah blah


You know the drill. 🙂 Profuse apologies for not posting (sincere) Promises of more consistent posting (Lies!) 😀

Anyhoo. Very quick update, I am now down to TWO/ (2) /DOS /NI /DEU/ DVA credit cards with balance owing on them! And I have calculated that I can be rid of those in about 6 months. It would’ve been 5 months but I went nuts with one of the cards. Heh. *guilty look* This also means that I will be only be paying a maximum of $1200 in interest across both cards (assuming $100 interest is generated per month on the current balances). I had assumed an interest of $2000, so essentially I have $800 to spend for Christmas!

*RANDOM THOUGHT* Hmm. I’ve been using the iPad, more so than the laptop recently (which is why I haven’t been on much SO MANY APPS …O_O), and not having the use of emojis seems to stifle me.. >_< *END RANDOM THOUGHT*

So below is the current state of my Net Worth:

Soooo slooooowwwwww….

As you can see there was a large dip a couple of weeks ago. That was me blowing $2000 on crap. Don’t ask me what sort of crap. Just believe me, it was crap. But fun crap. Okay fine, its apps, vids and buying e-books! Now stop interrogating me biatches!

But! I’ve rejigged my budget and have allowed for the ongoing expense of aforementioned crap into my life (cause while I don’t need it, its soooooo much fun!). Starting with $100 this pay, and $30 every pay moving forwards. I’ve also found a deal which allows me to buy a $30 iTunes card for only $24 😀 So the $100 this week should net me $120 worth of credit! That’s an extra $20 for nothing!

Woohoo!

Alright real life calls. Laters alligators!

Hello. And we’re back to our unregularly unscheduled program – “Blogging One Year On – Part 3 of 7″ or “where our hero’s heart get’s broken”


Well you can’t have a story without some romantic angle, cause apparently according to 83% of statistics about statistics, 64% of women like that stuff.

Kill me if you will, but the truth shall make you fret!

So romance… *chirrups of crickets echo in the background*

Right… give me a second….

Aha!

This being a postmodern tale, the happiness and well being of the character is not to be expected nor wanted by the audience. And a happy, untroubled love life? Fuggedaboutit. Which really only goes to say that post-modern audiences like to be dicks to their literary characters. But one must go with the times.

So in the middle of the training montage as Eye of the Tiger blares in the background. There she walks in, already bad news you can tell, as a slew of ninja lemmings throw themselves off a handy cliff in their efforts to gain her attention. But being ninja’s they merely, bounced off the pointy rocks below the cliff face and clambered up it, to once again gaze longingly at her as she sashayed past them. So to those who would sic the animal rights people on me, back! Back! Back, I say!

Glimmering blue eyes, something about having a pretty face, insert your own description of a killer bod, throw in some wit and a sense of humour, mix generously with some sexy, sexy brains, and thus you have the recipe for a vixen which I have little to no defense against. What straight male human being could withstand such weapons of mass attraction?

And thus I was bombed clear out of my skull, the blast throwing me into the morbidly obese arms of Cupid.

But alas, the beautiful lass was a spy for the samurai mole rats, and was only seducing me, with her mixture of intelligence, charm, wit, beauty and some sort of pheromone based perfume, to lead me and my comrade in arms in to a trap, wherein flaming meatballs would shower us with death.

The hussy.

Now let us exit the world of truth, stylised violence and in appropriately short attire for women (yes that is a very, very obscure reference to Suckerpunch), and enter the world of insanity, self-discovery and reality.

Things I learnt from blogging – Part 4.

I’m odd. Weird. Strange. Quirky. Eccentric. Actually, scratch eccentric, I’m no where rich enough to be eccentric. Now I know some of you, in your misguided way, are thinking that weird can be kinda cool. But as me and Girl 1 discovered after some debate on the matter, there are various kinds of weirdness. What you’re thinking about is the first type, the alpha, or “cool-weird”. The person who probably best defines this, is this man:

cool-weird /ko͞ol-wee-rd/
Adjective: strange, but hypnotically and alluringly so.

That’s cool-weird.

Then there’s my type. The betas. Or “awkward-weird”. Now there are of course as with everything various levels of being awkward-weird. At one end of the spectrum you have the mouth-breathers at one end, the end farthest from humanity. You know the type, loud heavy breathing and an unblinking stare , and uncomfortable (for you) movements of the hand in his trouser pocket, as he stares at a point directly 2 inches above or below your navel, depending on his mood.

Ahhh Milton. How much do I adore thee?

And at the other end, those who have accepted their strangeness, but just don’t have the panache (or desire) to be lovingly accepted for their oddity, but they are cool in their own non-socially acceptable way. The Steve Buscemi’s of the world in fact.

awk·ward-weird/ˈôkwərd-wee-rd/
Adjective: see picture above.

I fall somewhere in the middle. Quirky enough that if I act exactly how I wanted all the time, I’d probably be in a nut house, but not fully embracing my weirdness so I don’t act exactly how I want to all the time. I walk the tight rope of normal appearances and my true oddball behaviour. Releasing soft puffs of strangeness when I feel safe enough that the people around me won’t burn me at the stake for those comments and/or actions. Kinda like when you let our those silent farts in meetings that you aren’t able to just get out of (you’ve done them I know you have! haven’t you? aahh crap… am I the only one??).

********

Final Note: Is it a coincidence that all these weird people are wearing glasses? Wait…. Steve Buscemi isn’t wearing glasses… he just looks like he is. Ignore this comment.

Hello, these aren’t the droids you’re looking for – “Blogging One Year On – Part 2 of 7”


Wait, I hear you say, pondering, as we sit side by side on the couch, cups of coffee in hand. You made mine a little too sweet, and its making my teeth ache, but what the hell. A caffeine AND a sugar rush.

“Wasn’t this story about ninja lemmings and samurai mole rats? How did droids get into this? They’re in a completely different time line and genre…”

I scoff at your attempts at making my tale consistent.

PFFT! <– *me scoffing at you*

And as with any story so ridiculously implausible that it HAS to be the truth, there’s an answer to your question.

Time travelling droids. Well not on purpose, but they got caught in a wormhole after they used an escape pod after their ship was boarded by these dudes in completely impractical white uniforms. Seriously, white? On soldier dudes? As if there wouldn’t be a penis drawn on the back of someones helmet the minute they were issued…

If a male robot likes to love another male robot who am I to judge? The short one is a smart arse though…

Anyway, those droids joined me on the unicorn, but they weren’t the droids we were looking for so we tossed them off the side just as the guitar solo came on.They ended up on some desert world and did some stuff. I think there was a movie. Which goes to show you that this must be the truth since, the droids contributed nothing to the story, and one of the lessons we learn growing up, is that just because you want someone to play a particular part in your story doesn’t mean that they will.

And now for the version of events that happened for those of you still stuck in the Matrix.

Things I learnt after a year of blogging – Relationships.

Reading through my disastrous attempts at relationshipping the past year, I have come to one conclusion which I’ve probably have come to before, and if so then please change that previous line to “I have reinforced a previous conclusion”. And that is I suck at relationships. Friendships are fine, hell I’m awesome at those. Don’t ask me why I suck at romantic relationships, I haven’t delved that deeply into that broken and shattered aspect of my personality, sparkling like an insane disco ball in the nether regions of my soul. I just suck.

But I’m fine with that.

Because another thing I’ve discovered from reading a years worth of angst ridden yearnings (well okay there’s not THAT many) is that I’m a helluva lot happier when I’m happy being single than when I’m happy being a couple. It’s like being in a relationship (and being happy within that relationship) is like having pizza. BUT! being single AND being happy about being single is like having pizza, beer, a lazy Sunday afternoon and the entire series of Firefly on a big TV screen.

Shiny.

Hello, this is the tragic part of my tale when my ninja lemming trainer is killed or “Blogging – One Year On. Part 4 of 7”


I see you pondering there.

You read that right. This is part 4. Which has come right after part 1. I’m doing this to show to you that time is a construct (I only have the vaguest notion of what this means because my tutor at University who used it constantly was incredibly attractive) and this blog is avant garde like that.

So, no I am not hiding posts from you. Okay, another lie, I am. But with a relative definition for the term “you”. This entire series has been hidden from one specific person, and instead for reading about ninja lemmings they are being treated to the etymological history of the word “booby” and “tit” as it evolved from bird names to synonyms for a much loved part of the female anatomy. And why it is that when Sir David Attenborough says such words it makes me chuckle.

But you don’t want to hear about that…

So for the story,

…. Shashimi my ninja lemming trainer, throws himself in the path of runaway meatball covered in flaming tobasco sauce in order to save me. I cried. I cried like a baby. An angry, angry baby. I then used the skills imparted by my late great trainer, and using the Spaghetti-Noodles-of-Mayhem-&-Chaos and the colour mauve as my weapons, I assaulted the meatball catapult and killed the samurai mole-rats mole-ratting it (since they weren’t “manning” it obviously) to the last one.

Deadlier than you could possibly fathom. Unless you can fathom stuff like “Does wobble of the spinning top at the end of Inception mean that that it’s going to fall and therefore everything in a movie filled with actors and special effects can be thought of as “real” rather than a “dream”?” If you can do that, death dealing meatballs should be no problem.

Stay tuned, for the next installment! Whichever part of the story I feel like telling you after this bit anyway!

Now for those who are dismissive of this story as the schizophrenic ramblings of a poor deranged soul, I offer you this self-indulgent and self-involved realisation.

One of the things I learnt from a year of blogging is that my moods are mercurial to say the least. Looking back on posts written in almost euphoric highs and then comparing those posts to the ones written which are downright Hamlet-ly melancholic. A doctor I was dating once supposed that I could possibly be hypomanic/cyclothymic (essentially a much more tame version of bi-polar disorder), but I got too weird and she left before she could finish her diagnosis.

She was probably onto something, but the highs are just so much fun that I kinda think I don’t want to be fixed. But of course the lows taste like the fetid remains of a 7 day old skunk, after being left out in the summer sun. So maybe I should look into it…

Hello, there are no ninja lemmings in this post or “Blogging – One Year on. Part 1 of 7”


I know, I know.

I declare I’m back and then don’t post a thing for two weeks.

I’d tell you the truth, that I was whisked away by ninja lemming’s to fight in their never-ending war against the evil samurai mole-rats, on the back of a flying unicorn while they serenaded me with various renditions of Kansas’ Carry On My Wayward Son, as they fed me pieces of french toast.

But,

you wouldn’t believe me anyways.

So, instead I’ll just use the following outrageous fabrication and sordid lies.

Deal?

Deal.

As I finished posting the last post. I realised I must be close to my blogging anniversary. And I was. Today, marks the 1st birthday of this blog.

And so I was stuck.

Such an auspicious occasion should be marked with a brilliant post. Something that bounces, bunny-like on the readers cerebral cortex, then does that other thing that bunnies are famous for doing, rhythmically, on your amygdala .

But I’m all out of brilliant, so you’ll all have to settle for narcissistic introspection.

In seven parts.

HA!

Sucks to be you.

Anyways.

Part 1: This started out as a personal finance blog (stop choking on your respective oral fixation objects. I know, it sucks as a personal finance blog, alright?) So after a year of blogging, what have I, Captain Sweatpants, learned about personal finance?

Well for one I am a budget nerd. I don’t particularly like numbers. I’m no math-elete. But when it comes to making spreadsheets, graphs, tables, whatever to help me tracking down my debt, wowsers. My “budget 2.0” spreadsheet currently has 11 different tabs/worksheets and 3 sets of graphs.

It’s fun goddamnit!

And anyone who say’s that they don’t have an awesome time putting into Excel all their expenditure and income and then trying to calculate a workable and realistic budget, then tracking debt repayments and progression, then putting all that data into a graphical format… well, I say those people are just too sane for my liking. 😛

You’re looking at the last pay-cycle, just before the 1st birthday of this blog.

This is one of the graphs I’ve set up that updates every time I input data from the master spreadsheet above.

Two pie graphs showing my progress from the point when I first started a version of this spreadsheet (about a year before I started blogging) to now.
Green = Good
Red = Bad

Number two (hehehehe “number two” *snort giggle guffaw snort*), I can actually trust myself with credit cards now. Oh I’ll never match up to Cheap Tight McSkint (the most frugal man in the world), I like technology too much, I often get lazy and buy dinner instead of making it, and hell, there are times when I just want to buy stuff. But I’ll never get myself into that position again where I was 2 years ago when I was literally drowning in debt. I currently have 3 credit cards in my wallet, 1 has never been used, 1 is my everyday card, and the other is my emergency card. And while some people might think, “if you don’t use that first card why even carry it?” Well it’s kinda like when a smoker carries that one last cigarette. It’s a challenge if you will. I know it’s there, and as long as I never use it. I’m in control. That probably doesn’t make sense to anyone else, but whatever floats right?

And thirdly, well I’m a money grubbing whore. *grin* Nah seriously, the third lesson I’ve learned is that money IS important, but ONLY if you don’t have enough of it. With my current lifestyle and my current salary, and the way I’ve set up my automatic payments, and the way I’ve tailored my budget,  money isn’t really much of a concern. Oh sure, Iwantto upgrade my lifestyle. A nicer apartment, get a car, travel a lot more, buy more suits, better furniture, you know the drill. But I don’tneed to. And there’s something comforting in knowing that.

Stay tuned for part 2, where there will be an inspirational training montage sequence, as the ninja lemming’s whip me into shape for the inevitable battle  with the lord of samurai mole-rats – or if you are unable the beautiful truth of that narrative, the lie I will be telling will be something about what I’ve learnt regarding blogging and crap. I dunno, my lie isn’t that well thought out yet.

Give me a few hours.

Hello and greetings from Nerdvana


20120628-161456.jpg

Ahoy muchachorino’s.

I have returned. Captain-er and Sweatpantsier than ever.

True story.

Let’s be honest the last few posts before I took that little break were a mite depressing. Gone were the shameful and ridiculous references to boobs, pole dancing rabbits, puppies and all other things awesome. Instead you were lambasted with self-pitying prose (badly written self-pitying prose I might add) and annoying complaints of my inability to string words into a sentence.

But to that I say “nooooooooooo!” smashes glass and model ships with his phaser I will not sacrifice this blog. We’ve made too many compromises already; too many retreats. Depression invades this space and we fall back. Depression takes over our entire world and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further!”

*ahem*

Sorry about that I’ve been getting nerdier over the past couple of weeks and that quote basically reinforces that (special brownie points to the uber-nerd who can ntell me where that paraphrased quotes from, and we’re on the honour system here folks. No google cheating.)

As you probably have surmised my disappearance and my lack of meaningful post was due to a bout of depression. I really thought I had that whole issue licked, but I guess not. It took me a couple of weeks to realise that I had fallen into that trap again, but once I did, I drew on 10 years of managing depression to snap myself out it. And it worked, I’m not sure if it was merely acknowledging that I had depression again, or the weird and whacky ways I did to snap myself out of that funk, but snap I did.

This little Stella got his groove back (giggity) and ready to once again make your mind seem a little less crazy in comparison to mine.

Fer instance.

I mentioned that I’ve been nerding it up the past couple of weeks. That doesn’t even begin to cover it. I am now so far up the Nerd God’s butt I can see sunlight. My nerdhood has become so all mighty and powerful that frankly that might be the last nail in the coffin that holds the corpse of the hope that I will have intercourse with a female ever again. The aura of nerdity surrounds me like a miasma of girl repellant. I am now so nerdy that I actually believe that my virginity has been restored. That’s right folks, you heard right. I have been re-hymenated. 😉

Now what could I possibly have done to get so über-nerd? Simply, I bought an iPad. Pssshaw I hear you scoff, how is that nerdy? Well, because of the number of apps available, the cheapness of said apps and the ease of being able to search and download anything I want, I am now able to gloriously wallow in all the nerdiest of hobbies that I secretly love, behind a thin veneer of socially acceptable Apple geek hood.

Magic: The Gathering : deal me in

Dungeons & Dragons Character Sheet : roll the dice

Nerdcode: nerdgasm!

Star Trek PADD : make it so

IamaDalek : EXTERMINATE!

And god there are so much more, the only thing really stopping me is not the time to actually search for more, because I’m too busy playing around with the ones I already have.

Gah!

So if anyone has any more suggestions on how I can further nerdify and re-hymenate myself with iPad apps please feel free to do so!

Until next time muchachorino’s!

Excelsior!