Hello writers block: Day 13 *snarglefargleghrrrkfngh*

That is the sound the inside of my brain is making because of its inability to express itself with anything resembling eloquent verisimilitude.


Alrighty, scraping the bottom of the barrel here…

The wonders of WordPress Stats page. Seriously, it’s awesome. I’ve just discovered a function that WordPress has wonderfully provided us that has made me a needy and emotional wreck.

The “Top Views By Country for All Days Ending 2012-05-30 (SUMMARIZED)” page.

If you scroll down the very bottom, you get a map that looks like this.

There are countries in the world that have yet to be “Sweatpants’ed”?? I’m outraged!

Essentially, any country in grey is a country where not one single person has visited your site. Not a one.

Apparently no one in China is the least bit interested about the debt levels of a middle class male in Australia. Go figure.

Apparently, if you open your empty left hand, see that empty space right above your hand, that is the number of fucks Turkmenistanians give about my love life, or lack thereof.

Apparently Greenlanders, have absolutely no inclination to read about the misadventures of fat, short antipodean blogger, who currently is struggling with writer’s block.

And the list goes on…

Mongolia. North Korea. Iran. Afghanistan. Uzbekistan. Cuba. Egypt. Sudan. Chad.


Okay I probably have no hope in getting hits from Uzbekistan or Turkmenistan or any of those places. But Greenland?  Cmon! Greenlanders are like other Europeans right? Surely some of them use Google and do searches for “boobs” (which to their dismay directs them to a post in this blog, which currently stands at 1,633 hits) right?

So Greenlanders.

I’m targeting your country to be sweatpantsed.

You have been warned.

Resistance is futile.


13 responses to “Hello writers block: Day 13 *snarglefargleghrrrkfngh*

  1. I have gotten views from some of those places and I’m not sure why….

    • You then young miss, are obviously erudite and worldly. Able to compose prose that transcends the boundaries of nationality and culture with eloquent grace. You do realise now that because I have writers block, I’m despising your talents right now 😛

  2. The world is a big place isn’t it? Then sometimes it seems so small when an islander from Barbados visits a blog from Australia.

    I feel you with the writers block. What helps me sometimes with writers block is reading more. I guess you’ve tried this but if you haven’t, give it a shot.

  3. I’m probably your source for Taiwanese hits today — just to inform you that the Great Firewall of China doesn’t like WordPress. So if you do have visitors from China, they will be doing so via a non-Chinese proxy. All that to say CHINA COULD VERY WELL BE YOURS AFTER ALL!

    • I considered the censorship angle… but I didn’t realise that wordpress would have gotten affected by that. So if I am getting a few Chinese visitors.. “ni hao!” (PS I learnt that from an ex girlfriend many eons ago, apparently it means “hello”, but if I just told you that your mother is a syphillitic goat, well I meant hello 🙂 )

  4. Also — re: writers’ block, I take my camera with me when I am low on inspiration. Whenever I see something weird or funny or interesting then I can take a picture and blog about it and suddenly it starts flowing all over again.

    • I have plenty to write about… the words just won’t form. It comes out like “so the stuff was good” or “there was this thing with a wobbly bit that fell. It was funny” See! See! What can I do with that???

  5. my map doesn’t look like yours at all … way more grey a few dots of orange and some kind of red … boohooo the world hates me 🙂

    • LOL. Nah, I just pander to toilet humour and the lowest common denominator. I’m like the Jersey Shore of blogs, so mindbogglingly awful that it is still awful and should be killed with fire. 🙂

      • I see … but they do have good ratings and make lots money, although I have never seen it

      • I’ve never seen it myself, but there’s just an aura of total and utter stupidity about the show, that transcends the need to actually see it before making a rash judgement *grin* The stupidity also seems to draw people in. The best quote I’ve seen regarding that show was “A book commits suicide every time you watch jersey shore” 😛

      • lol … thanks for the laugh this morning

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