Monthly Archives: May 2012


Had to share this… serves me right for complaining about a bit of writers block and damn ex’s. Let’s go Matt, lets go!

theCHIVE

More than anything else, Matt wanted to run in his school’s Field Day race last week. Unfortunately, Matt has spastic cerebral palsy, a difficult disorder that makes moving, especially running, very hard for him. But Matt decided to run anyway, and what happened next is unbearably beautiful.
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Hello writer’s block: day 14.


I don’t even have words today.

Why.

Is.

Writing.

So.

Hard.

All

Of A.

Sudden?

Hello writers block: Day 13 *snarglefargleghrrrkfngh*


That is the sound the inside of my brain is making because of its inability to express itself with anything resembling eloquent verisimilitude.

*sigh*

Alrighty, scraping the bottom of the barrel here…

The wonders of WordPress Stats page. Seriously, it’s awesome. I’ve just discovered a function that WordPress has wonderfully provided us that has made me a needy and emotional wreck.

The “Top Views By Country for All Days Ending 2012-05-30 (SUMMARIZED)” page.

If you scroll down the very bottom, you get a map that looks like this.

There are countries in the world that have yet to be “Sweatpants’ed”?? I’m outraged!

Essentially, any country in grey is a country where not one single person has visited your site. Not a one.

Apparently no one in China is the least bit interested about the debt levels of a middle class male in Australia. Go figure.

Apparently, if you open your empty left hand, see that empty space right above your hand, that is the number of fucks Turkmenistanians give about my love life, or lack thereof.

Apparently Greenlanders, have absolutely no inclination to read about the misadventures of fat, short antipodean blogger, who currently is struggling with writer’s block.

And the list goes on…

Mongolia. North Korea. Iran. Afghanistan. Uzbekistan. Cuba. Egypt. Sudan. Chad.

Y?

Okay I probably have no hope in getting hits from Uzbekistan or Turkmenistan or any of those places. But Greenland?  Cmon! Greenlanders are like other Europeans right? Surely some of them use Google and do searches for “boobs” (which to their dismay directs them to a post in this blog, which currently stands at 1,633 hits) right?

So Greenlanders.

I’m targeting your country to be sweatpantsed.

You have been warned.

Resistance is futile.

Hello writers block: Day 12


Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

That is the sound of my ability to string coherent, meaningful and colourful sentences together draining away from my brain. Swirling into the dark abyss, created by the intense gravitational field of the writer’s block embedded into my head.

But, in an effort to try to overcome this, I am forcing myself to write. While many insist that I need to search for inspiration first before attempting to write, I’m using the take-the-bull-by-the-horns method and just trying to bludgeon my way through the hoards of gremlins standing between myself and some well written prose. So excuse the content of this blog for the next few days weeks months years decades centuries eons time-frames-so-vast-that-universes-born-and-die-within-them, as they will be quite as painful to read, as they will be to write.

So onward and upward!

Reasons why life is like a computer:

  • Sometimes you have too many ports and you don’t know which one to choose.

Too many holes! GAH!

  • But most of the time, the problem is, you don’t have enough.

I can’t fit anything else in! GAH!

  • Other times the program you want, isn’t compatible with what you have, or you don’t have enough resources to run the program.

I don’t have enough resources! GAH!

  • It will invariably get old and be obsolete.

But I was state of the art in 1982! GAH!

  • And sometimes you just want to get all medieval on it. It doesn’t really do anything but it’ll make you feel better, for a little while. Then you realise you’ve acted like a douche.

Why must you be so difficult?! GAH!

  • Sometime there’s a virus and nothing works.

I don’t feel well. GAH!

  • And there are people out there who really just want to screw you over.

Get away from me you reprobate! GAH!

  • And sometimes the only answer is to pull the plug.

Go on, crash and burn one more time. I dare you. GAH!

  • But once in a while, everything works. Nothing crashes. There are no errors. There are no virus’s. There’s no malware. There’s no spam. There are no forced restarts. There aren’t any new complications… And, well… it’s all sorta beautiful.

It’s raining cheese! GAH! *giggle*

Hello debt, update


I know I haven’t done a post in a while.

My apologies.

Just struggling with a bit of writers block really. The large blank white space of the new post screen mocks me with its emptiness.

So just to get back into the groove of things a quick post to update on the debt.

Least debt ever!

As you can see there was a small downturn of Net Worth about a month ago. This was due to the week long spending spree when Girl B was around. But I’ve recovered from that small hiccup and have reached a minor milestone. As of the 24th of May 2012, I am now at the lowest point of my debt since I started maintaining these records.

Currently my debt stands at $15,572.25.

The least debt I’ve ever had previously was on the 12th of April of this year ($16,376.47 worth of debt), followed by 27th of October 2011 ($16,397.94 worth of debt), and the last time before that I was even close to this figure was waaaaaaay back on the 11th of November 2010 ($16,535.97 worth of debt).

And from the graph you can see every time I’ve approached this figure I’ve had some sort of downturn. But after each occasion the down turn has been a little less drastic. The first instance on the 9th of December 2010, was due to my move from Queensland to Canberra. I had no savings whatsoever to speak of and maxed used my credit cards to fund my interstate migration, dates with the 19 year old (yes I went out with a 19 year old, don’t judge me. I realise it was a mistake. Actually wait, no judge me all you want. It’s much deserved :P) and also for used the cards for a couple of weeks when I was jobless.

The second downturn on the 24th of November 2011, was due to the break up with the 19 year old, and the expenses incurred during the move from living together to finding my own place. Now while I didn’t use my card, I did draw deeply from a pool of savings (which is included in the formula to calculate net worth). That move pretty much wiped those funds completely.

And you know what happened last month. 😛

In other news, remember when I spoke about that promotion opportunity I wasn’t quite sure whether or not to go for? Well I did submit an application for it, and I’ve got an interview this Friday.

Wish me luck.

Hello blogging. I’ve learnt a few things from you, this one is #56


Blogging Rule #56: Never put the word “boobs” in the title of your post. And god forbid you put it in there twice.

The post I’m talking about is this one. It discusses all the afflictions I carried when I stopped going to the gym.

That post is a little over 2 weeks old.

It is now the 2nd most viewed entry in this entire blog, because when people search for “boobs” in Google Image Search, they somehow come to my little corner of the internet. And I have no idea how! I tried this myself (and oh it was such a chore! *KA-BOOM* Hmmmmm, my sarcasm button just exploded for some reason), and after 12 pages I still couldn’t find the photo that I used. There is a similar photo on page 2, but its one of them demotivational posters. Mine is not. So that means these people have scrolled through at least 12 pages of boob pictures to get to the photo I used. And it’s not like they’re searching for “man-boob” (which would make more sense for Google to send them to that particular post) but nope, it’s just “boob”.

Twelve pages!

I was finished halfway through page one! (ifyaknowwhatimean 😛 ba-doom-ching)

In about another 6 weeks I’d say it will be the most viewed, surpassing the entry that was Freshly Pressed.

Which goes to show there are a lot of horny people in the world (actually they’re mostly American’s according to the stats page *grin* you bunch of sick puppies you *hugs*!)

But I feel kinda bad.

I mean all those voyeurs out there (brothers! sisters! otherers!) are on their computers, looking for a pair of one of the universes most glorious creations, and what does Google do in all of its omnipotent power? It takes them to my blog.

Ouch.

That’s like when you drop your wasabi coated peanut on the floor of a movie theatre and then picking it up, (following the 5 second rule of course) and popping it in your mouth to find that it is not your wasabi coated peanut but the detached testicle of a leprosy ridden, gonorrhoea  infected, chlamydia infested, pus ridden warthog (who has chosen the quieter winter months to fly to Australia and have a bit of a holiday, as warthogs do).

So, in order to redress this oh so terrible faux pas on my part, and to stem the tide of angry perverts who may choose to disembowel me for wasting precious bandwidth and seconds of their porn browsing time, I am going to give them boobies.

Five million, three hundred and eighteen thousand and eight to be exact.

So keep scrolling fellow perves! For a vast smorgasbord awaits! A cornucopia even!

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5,318,008 upside down = ( . )( . ) *grin*

Ain’t I a stinker? 😉

Hello world, guess what….?


For 7 days after the break-up, I slobbed around.

No suit was worn.

Not one business shirt was buttoned.

Not one neck-tie encircled my neck.

No button up vest to provide a little bit of panache.

No cuff-links were cuffed.

Not a pair of dress shoes were worn.

And I will confess…

Not that many showers were taken.

And this included at least 4 working days, 3 of which were not casual Friday.

But today… well… the video below is the best explanation for it really…

Daddy’s home. 😉