Hello man-boobs! Goodbye man-boobs!

One of the things I forget to mention in the roundup was the fact I have once again started up at the gym, after 3 months of absence due to getting meningitis. In the three months since I was last training hard, I lost a LOT of muscle mass. A LOT. And replaced it with floppily doppily bits of flabulousness.

However, even in the four weeks since I’ve started training hard again I’ve noticed a significant change in my body composition. I no longer slouch, I can walk further without being slathered in sweat, and items of clothing are no longer uncomfortably tight around the midsection.

So below is a list of the afflictions I suffer, and am striving to get rid of through religious attendance at the gym.

The Sweating Malady

Yup... damn sexy.

One of the things you discover when you get unfit is that you sweat doing the most innocuous things. Walking to the shops. Sitting on the sofa. Lying in bed. Thinking. Blinking your eyes. Whatever, all those things had me bathed in a pool of my bodies own fetid liquid secreted from my skin pores (if anyone was reading this while they were eating… *suppressed laughter* sucks to be you!). But after 1 month I find I can run for about 20 minutes at a pace of about 10kph (about 6mph) before drowning from the product of my sweat glands. When I started up again I could barely do half that speed and half that time without collapsing and clutching my chest in agony.

The Dreaded Man-Boobs

Even sexier! Hold on to your orgasms ladies...

Ahhh man boobs. Nothing is more scary than having a bosom larger than your partners. And while I’m nowhere near a C-cup, I’m pretty sure I could’ve filled a modest B-cup even just a few weeks back. But after 4 weeks of weight training and cardio, the man boobs are gone. Another 2 months and I can upgrade from man-boob – to flat-chested and then onto pigeon chested. Woo!

The Curse of the Chicken-Legs

Finger lickin' goodness 😛

When your legs are so skinny it seems like you’ve somehow found a way to defy gravity cause you are able to remain upright and standing. Okay admittedly my legs aren’t really that bad. My thighs do have a fair bit of meat on them, although my calves could use more definition, it’s not really something that has to be addressed right this minute.

The Sadness of Spindly Arms

I know you're all turned on now...

My biceps and triceps are fine, however my deltoids (the shoulders) and forearms are a little on the weak side. While forearms are notoriously difficult to build up, shoulders are already showing signs of improvement in the 4 weeks.

The Nauseating No-Butt

This is really hard for me to judge since that area of my body isn’t what you would call visually accessible, nor do I stare at other mens butt’s enough that I actually have some sort of baseline which to aim for, so I’d like to think I have a bit of junk in the trunk, but who knows?

The Bulging Beer Gut/Keg

I really should've warned everyone about the total and utter sexiness of the photos I've put into this post...

My nemesis. My arch-enemy. The Voldemort to my Harry Potter. The Sauron to my Frodo. The Green Lantern movie to my sense of all that is good in the world. While all other elements of my body (even in my 30’s) respond well to exercise, the gut is a stubborn mule, heehawing at my attempts to lessen its girth with mocking callousness. For those of you in your 20’s, enjoy all your metabolism while you can! Trust me, once it slows down you’ll miss it like the cold blue taste of that very first cigarette in the morning (yup, 1 week and still smoke free… not that I’m counting :P). After 1 month I really can’t notice any sort of improvement. *sigh* Maybe in 2 months…

The Stairs Conundrum

What the stairs to my apartment felt like...

Stairs, another bane of my existence. Prior to recommencing my training walking up the 6 flights of stairs to my apartment was a daily struggle. There was a point at one stage I had to stop half way for a quick rest before continuing by trek up Mt Kill-a-man-because-he-lives-in-an-apartment-without-elevators-jaro (yes… that was a geography joke. Uber-nerd’s are go!). Now I can pretty much sprint up those stairs and only be slightly winded up the top. The goal is to be able to walk up and down without even noticing.

Stay tuned kiddies.

Hmmm maybe I should join the #pfworkout Blonde is always talking about…


7 responses to “Hello man-boobs! Goodbye man-boobs!

  1. free penny press

    My eyes.. forever singed from the man boob pics and that’s guys belly!!!.. Oh good grief..
    You keep on them stairs and you will be in kick-ass shape in no time 🙂

  2. I need a brillo pad to scrap some of the images from my eyes.

  3. You are so funny. I hope the gym and healthy regime are for yourself and not just for ‘Girl A’ (or is it ‘Girl B’?) 😉

  4. I almost died at the chicken legs lol. Finger lickin goodness. I’m skinny and have really small ankles(runs in my dads side of the family). Everyone always laughs because they are so small, much like chicken legs. They look normal to me though.

    Awesome post, I need to start working out myself, I’m really lazy.

  5. You’re doing great! Keep it up!

  6. Uber-nerd’s are go!

    • A fellow nerrrrrddddddd! *attempts to high five fellow nerd but due to lack of coordination misses fellow nerds hand and slaps them on the forehead instead, what follows next is the standard montage of slapstick moves and retaliations that are only funny to 5 year olds, and those of us who have retained the humour of kindergartners*

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