Hello money, please take me back.

In a previous post I wrote a Dear John letter to credit card companies. Well now I want to write a Love Letter to Money and financial freedom.


To my dearest Money,

It’s been a good long while since we’ve spent any time with each other.

You always seem to be flitting in and out of my life, with the amount of quality time we have with each other measured in hours and minutes, rather than days and weeks.

I miss the good ol’ days, when I would lovingly caress the curves of your coins as I hungrily inserted you into my piggy bank. I miss your soft breath as your notes were fanned before me. I miss the undeniably sexy and intoxicating smell, of security, freedom and a positive net worth that you effortlessly exude.

I remember when we first touched, that electric tingle of my very first paycheck. Oh god, what a feeling! I remember hoarding you, wanting you to be mine and mine alone, for months on end. I remember watching your dancing figures in my bank account, with a passion so intense that I was afraid I would burn. I remember waiting with bated breath and barely concealed glee when we would meet on paydays, drunk with the knowledge of the amazing times we had before us.

And then I started taking you for granted. And that’s when I lost you, and the respect you once had for me.

I know you’ve been going to my credit cards. And I can’t really fault you for that. I acted like a mad man! an imbecile! a downright fool! treating you with disdain and contempt, and you had no choice but to abandon me and go where you were wanted.

But I’ve changed. I’m a different guy to who I was when we first locked eyes, back in the stupidity of youth. I’m wiser, more mature. And I’m not talking to you like some infatuated teenage boy, that places you on some unreachable pedestal. I know that, although you are not the centre of the universe, your presence in my life makes the universe a lot more bearable.

I know I’ve done wrong by you, and now as a man, I take full responsibility for the mistakes I made that drove us apart.

And now, as a man, I promise you this:

I promise that no longer will I treat you like a mere piece of paper, or a mere scrap of metal, to be tossed to anyone.

I promise that I will find ways to invite your friends “investments” and “increased capital” into OUR life.

I promise I will treat you with the respect and care that you deserve.

I promise that for as long as I believe in forever, that I will be thinking of you.

From your dearest

Cpt Sweatpants


11 responses to “Hello money, please take me back.

  1. Oh wow. That is actually a very nice piece. I applaud you, as I can do no more. Definitely one of my favorite posts of yours, Capt.

  2. Pingback: Awards Ceremony | Digging Out and Up

  3. You had me at “hello”……

  4. Aww.. you want to make money an honest lady. Nice post.

  5. Fuck yeah! Great piece!

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