Saturday Shenanigans – Why I can never be friends with any of you in real life.


Because of the following story.

I try very hard not to give too much details on this blog. Not details about my weird and strange behaviour, you guys get the whole guacamole of that. But regarding specific people, in my life. But the following slice into my social life, well I still won’t be giving away any specific details, but there’s enough that you’d know who I’m talking about if you met them. That, and I don’t think I could cope with the loud silences, significant glances and incessant laughter at my expense. You can do that at home. So internet friends we will remain.

Now… onward and upward.

To begin, I’ll steal from 500 Days of Summer (a worthwhile watch even if all you get out of it is the rules for the “penis game”):

This is a story of boy meets girl(s), but you should know upfront, this is not a love story.

Yeah Tom, I know... it sucks...

What you need to know:

Boy: straight

Girl (A): bi-sexual

Girl (B): also… bi-sexual

Now the story (or this how Captain Sweatpants ensures that his life is an example of exactly what NOT [if there was anything else I could do to emphasise the word “not” I would do it] to do):

So. Boy meets Girl (A). Boy and Girl (A) get along splendidly. Boy and Girl (A) however choose to remain friends. I.e. Girl (A) decides that they should be just friends. Boy still has some faint lingering hope, but buries it deep down.

Boy meets Girl (B). Boy and Girl (B) get along splendidly. Girl (B) however is moving the next day to the other side of the country. In a fit of supernatural stupidity (seriously, planets aligned, universes collided, stars went super nova, and all sorts of other cosmic occurrences HAD to have happened in order for me to get THIS stupid. I have to believe that, because the only other answer is, I’m THIS stupid, ALL the time) coupled with copious amounts of alcohol Boy introduces Girl (A) to Girl (B). Girl (A) and Girl (B) are of course attracted to each other cause Boy has great taste in women, although he seems to be hitting a lot of bi-sexuals lately.

He has realised that he has no chance with Girl (A) despite recent events, and has moved on to Girl (B). Boy and Girl (B) have stimulating conversations over the phone, along with Girl (B) sending hot pics of herself to Boy.

Girl (A) however seems to ALSO be interested in Girl (B). And asked Boy to ascertain why Girl (B) had not replied to Girl (A)’s messages.

Boy is now kicking himself for introducing Girl (B) to Girl (A) cause well let’s face it, if you had a choice between a dude and a chick, chick wins hands down.

Like I said…. this is not a love story, not for this wee little piggy anyways.

It could be one for the bi-sexuals though. 🙂

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6 responses to “Saturday Shenanigans – Why I can never be friends with any of you in real life.

  1. You have some interesting dating drama sir lol

    • I do indeed little miss. You know for once, I’d like to meet a nice normal girl. Well for a relative value for “normal”. Someone as normal as me. Wait, that’s not very normal at all. Okay I’d like to meet a girl who is as strange as I am who won’t find both myself AND my female friends sexually attractive. the second bit is supposed to be my job.

  2. Really?? Really, really? I can’t wrap my head around that. I don’t know if you’re that unlucky, or on your way to a best seller if you put it down on paper.

    • Yeah, really really. Unfortunately, this is my so-called dating life. And as for putting it down on paper… Chasing Amy got there first, I can’t even make any money from the tragicness of it. But I can make ppl lol on the internet though… see always a silver lining *grin*

  3. I love 500 Days of Summer. That scene is one my favorites. Sorry you struck out. Girls are lame.

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