Monthly Archives: February 2012

Hello everyone, I am back from the “nearly” dead


Yes I have been scarce the past few days but I had a valid reason!

I was sick.

And not just man-flu sick, but viral meningitis sick.

Which admittedly isn’t as bad as bacterial meningitis (that’s the one that makes your brain explode, well okay not really, it makes your blood into poison instead. And yes that’s not the scientific and medical correct way to describe whats happening but when they were explaining the whole thing to me I was in so much pain I was just trying not to throw up on the doctor) but it’s the sickest I’ve ever actually been.

And the problem with being sick in one of the more affluent cities in Australia, is that it is damn expensive.

Overall I think I spent about $800 on medical tests and medication since all this started.

From memory (and admittedly in combination with the pain I was in and the pain medication I’m currently on is a little hazy) the costs break down as follows:

– Initial doctor visit: $80

– Initial script for weak-good-for-nothing pain meds: $23

– Second doctor visit: $80

– CT Brain Scan: $478

– Lumbar Puncture Test: $183

– Second script for oh-my-god-these-pills-are-awesome pain meds: $17 (I wonder why the more awesome pain meds are cheaper than the craptastic ones?)

And since I do not have $800 in my emergency fund (I had like $80) all of these expenses went into my credit card. Which blows a big fat one because tomorrow, I would have paid off one completely and would have only been left with 3 cards with outstanding balances.

ONE PAY DAY AWAY!

As of now it’ll take me another 2 paydays (thats 1 month) before I can clear out all those expenses and be back to where I was before I got sick.

So… what did I learn from this experience?

a) My body is in league with the credit cards to keep me in an everlasting cycle of debt

b) Emergency funds with a significant amount in them are a bloody brilliant idea.

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Hello money, please take me back.


In a previous post I wrote a Dear John letter to credit card companies. Well now I want to write a Love Letter to Money and financial freedom.

***********************************

To my dearest Money,

It’s been a good long while since we’ve spent any time with each other.

You always seem to be flitting in and out of my life, with the amount of quality time we have with each other measured in hours and minutes, rather than days and weeks.

I miss the good ol’ days, when I would lovingly caress the curves of your coins as I hungrily inserted you into my piggy bank. I miss your soft breath as your notes were fanned before me. I miss the undeniably sexy and intoxicating smell, of security, freedom and a positive net worth that you effortlessly exude.

I remember when we first touched, that electric tingle of my very first paycheck. Oh god, what a feeling! I remember hoarding you, wanting you to be mine and mine alone, for months on end. I remember watching your dancing figures in my bank account, with a passion so intense that I was afraid I would burn. I remember waiting with bated breath and barely concealed glee when we would meet on paydays, drunk with the knowledge of the amazing times we had before us.

And then I started taking you for granted. And that’s when I lost you, and the respect you once had for me.

I know you’ve been going to my credit cards. And I can’t really fault you for that. I acted like a mad man! an imbecile! a downright fool! treating you with disdain and contempt, and you had no choice but to abandon me and go where you were wanted.

But I’ve changed. I’m a different guy to who I was when we first locked eyes, back in the stupidity of youth. I’m wiser, more mature. And I’m not talking to you like some infatuated teenage boy, that places you on some unreachable pedestal. I know that, although you are not the centre of the universe, your presence in my life makes the universe a lot more bearable.

I know I’ve done wrong by you, and now as a man, I take full responsibility for the mistakes I made that drove us apart.

And now, as a man, I promise you this:

I promise that no longer will I treat you like a mere piece of paper, or a mere scrap of metal, to be tossed to anyone.

I promise that I will find ways to invite your friends “investments” and “increased capital” into OUR life.

I promise I will treat you with the respect and care that you deserve.

I promise that for as long as I believe in forever, that I will be thinking of you.

From your dearest

Cpt Sweatpants

Hello Mondays. Motivation necessary. Cause it’s Monday. And I hate you, me, everything. If there was a button I could push to start the Zombie Apocalypse right this second, I’d do it.


Okay, after watching this I take it all back! I love you all!

I want to live!

Oh god! Won’t somebody let me live!!!

And the Oscar goes to….

Hello weird looks I have gotten from every single girlfriend I have ever had. We have an explanation!


And the person who has just mind-blown my life with this insight is CurlyCarly‘s sister. Yes Curly Carly has once again gotten a shout out in this blog. I know what you’re thinking, well I can think of several thoughts that could actually be going through those evil minds of yours:

1) Me and Curly Carly are actually the same person, and this is some weird narcissistic and truly psychotic thing happening here.

2) I am stalking Curly Carly and have set up camp in the crawl space of her home.

3) How many grapes can Cap’n Sweatpants fit in his mouth?

To answer those thoughts:

1) No way do I have the mental capacity to be THAT humorous.

2) It’s actually quite warm here. I shall request for the heat to be turned down.

3) 8 (I have a very sensitive gag-reflex)

But the reason for the shout out is this this line uttered by her sister who I’m assuming is the Dalai Lama (you know, because of the wisdomus qualities in such a simple statement)

Curly Carly's sister in all her awesomeness

“…he’s a typical male, since he seems to think that Love + Random (critical) thought + Backpedaling = Love”

And as soon as I read that, mind was blown.

It’s true, well for me anyway. But there is a logical explanation to this, which I thought everyone (and by everyone I am including women now, cause you know, you’re sorta people too… sometimes :P) knew.

It’s like this:

Love = You tell someone you like them/care for them/love them whatever. A genuine show of affection.

Random (critical) Thought = Okay it’s not ALWAYS critical, and often when it is we don’t mean it to be, and it’s usually something about the female.

Backpedaling = usually something related to the Random Thought and usually reinforces the underlying message behind it.

Lets take a look at at the note from the boy to the niece, which CurlyCarly posted on her wall…

(oh crap I should ask for permission).

(… waiting on permission… waiting… waiting… GOT IT!)

And we will do a detailed breakdown of what it says to what the boy actually meant:

Dear Reese,

(Hello Female That I Find VERY attractive, cause see I used “Dear” intead of just “Hi” or “Hello”. This is the convention of all love letters so you should treat this as such)

I want to tell you that you’re hot and beautiful and you should have this beautiful rose of red.  Happy Valentine’s Day. 

(This means exactly what it says.)

P.S. Why did you wear your Toms 5 weekdays in a row? 

(Now we come to the area where the hardwired mind of males, comes into direct conflict with the software powerhouse mind of the female. But this is not a criticism. This is used to show that the male is attracted enough to the female that he has noticed a fairly insignificant detail about her, and now he is displaying this knowledge as a means to show his affection. Also! The male phrased this as a question. This is also meant to show the female that not only does the male care enough to notice the small details, but he is also willing to help in case she has suffered some sort of shoe mishap, which may have led to her wearing the same shoes five days in a row.)

P.S.S. I like your Toms.

(Now if you take into account what the male intended to convey with the previous line, you can see that this is not backpedaling. This is a reaffirmation of his affection. Not only has he noticed that the female has worn the same shoes 5 days in a row, not only is he willing to help in case there was a shoe mishap, the male is also telling the female, that I like your taste in clothing. And that you can wear the same thing for 5 days straight and I will still like you.)


And there you have it.

A simple misunderstanding.

A slight differing of viewpoints.

A miniscule variation of thought.

That’s all that stood between me and every single ex-girlfriend from giving me this look:

I have seen you many times...

Given that I’m not a tennis ball and that person giving the look is a dude.

But you get the gist.

Hello Pinterest, errr what the?


One of the many things I like about WordPress is the Stats Page.

Screw that.

I love it.

I get to see how many people are visiting this dark, little, twisted, deviant corner of the web that is mine.

I get to see what people are typing into Google and any other such search engines which direct them to your blog (to the person who recently searched for “fat man in tight jeans viewed from behind” Hello, you twisted little person you :))

And I get to see which sites are referring back to mine.

Now normally this is just the usual list of us terribly incestuous PF bloggers who link back to each other, like that small group of friends you had in college, that, well, did each other.

But yesterday I found a new website crop up as a referrer to my blog.

what are you?!!?!?

Actually, 12 referrals from Pinterest.

I have absolutely no idea what it is. I have heard it being referred to by a few bloggers, and also on a few other non-blog websites. But it never really interested me to find out what it was. The referrals though changed all that, and now I am on a mission to work out what exactly “Pinterest” is and does.

Being of the logical mindset, I am going to lay out the plan of attack I created in trying to determine what this website is, and how (and why) it refers to my blog.

STEP 1: Compilation of questions to be answered.

  1. Why is it called Pinterest?
  2. Is it pronounced “pin-terest” or “pee-interest”.
  3. If pronounced the latter, should I be worried about the people who seem to be very enthusiastic about the site, or should I accept the fact that every one has their own weird fetish and let each of us go to hell in their own handbasket?
  4. What do you actually do on this site?
  5. Why is this site referring to my blog?
  6. Why is it all of a sudden referring to my blog after I posted my Valentines Day post?

Step 2: Ask those who seem to be using the site, to explain what it actually is.

So Over Debt says “Actually my recent post was about why I refuse to use Pinterest, so I’m afraid I won’t be much help. :)” this is why I suck at journalism.

Step 3: Actually go into site and see for myself

This is on the very top of their homepage:

Pinterest is an online pinboard.
Organize and share things you love.

Maybe I should’ve gone with this in the first place. Sorry Andrea in Step 2!

Step 4: Analysis

Essentially that quote from the website answers questions 1 through to 4.

  1. Why is it called Pinterest? it’s a conglomeration of the words “pinboard” and “interest”
  2. Is it pronounced “pin-terest” or “pee-interest”? from the answer above I’m going to go with “pin-terest”
  3. If pronounced the latter, should I be worried about the people who seem to be very enthusiastic about the site, or should I accept the fact that every one has their own weird fetish and let each of us go to hell in their own handbasket? well since it’s the former I really don’t need to worry. But I’ll go with everyone has their own weird fetish anyway.
  4. What do you actually do on this site? well, “you organize and share the things you love.”

But what about question 5 and question 6???

5. Why is this site referring to my blog? 

Since this site mainly deals with pictures, I am guessing that there is a picture on my blog that those referrals have been linking to.

6. Why is it all of a sudden referring to my blog after I posted my Valentines Day post?

Well, since we’ve established that it is a picture that is causing all the referrals from Pinterest, and I have had no referrals from Pinterest before the Valentines Day post. We must now assume that it is the picture found in the Valentines Day post, that these people are linking into, and therefore “love”.

Step 5: Conclusion

Now, that we have established the facts, there really is only one conclusion available to us:

12 people on Pinterest love a baboons butt shaped like a heart.

For those sickos out there....

So for those people, I’ve posted the picture again, cause well it’s pretty sick and twisted and what can I say, I like sick and twisted.

Screw that.

love it.

🙂

Editors Note: Yes I know that my argument is choc-a-block full of flawed logic, incorrect assumptions, glaringly obvious experimental errors and plot holes large enough that even George “lets-make-the-Star-Wars-prequels-so-bad-that-true-fans-must-deny-their-existence-for-the-sake-of-their-sanity” Lucas could spot them. But to those people who want to point that out, I only have one thing to say to you:

Kumquat.

Hello Tuesday Ranting: the 14 unwritten rules of Valentines Day


I actually like Valentines Day, both as a single and as a couple. But lets face it, like every other social aspect of our lives, unwritten rules have been made and enforced by the mob.

Here are the 14, I came up with (I wasn’t aiming for 14 when I was writing this, it was serendipitous that way):

1. If you are female and single (with no foreseeable prospects), you have to hate this holiday.

2. If you are male and single (with no foreseeable prospects) Valentines Day really doesn’t matter, except for the fact that like every other night you will be alone.

3. If you are female and single (with no foreseeable prospects), but receive a Valentines Day gift from an admirer (who is not a complete troll), you will automatically reverse your position about hating this holiday.

4. If you are male and single (with no foreseeable prospects), but receive a Valentines Day gift from an admirer (no matter what she looks like), get ready for an entire day of being made fun of by every other male to whom rule 2 DOES NOT apply, and secretly hated by those to whom rules 1 and 2 applies.

5. If you are male in a relationship with a female, get her a gift. No matter what she says.

6. The only exception rule 5 is if she has told you repeatedly and emphatically that she doesn’t do Valentines Day. But only take this as the truth after about the 100th time she has told you, and you have very nearly had a fight about it. But even then acknowledge the day.

7. If you are male and in a new relationship and unsure of the females stance on Valentines Day, assume rule 5 holds true.

8. If you are male, in a relationship with a female and you purchase the gift during work hours, be prepared for every woman in the office to tilt their head to one side and go “Awwww, aren’t you sweet?” and for the men to whom rule 2 applies will either hate you or laugh at the amount of money you spent.

9. If you are female and in a relationship and your male partner has sent your Valentines Day gift to your work place, be prepared for every woman in the office to tilt their head to one side and go “Awwww, isn’t he sweet?” but those to whom rule 1 applies will secretly hate you.

10. If you are female and in a relationship, and your male partner has made at least a moderate amount of effort in relation to Valentines Day celebrations on your behalf, you must put out.

11. If you are female and in a relationship, and your male partner has only made the most minimal effort in relation to Valentines Day, you are allowed to be angry at him for the entire month of February, and have the legal right to bring up his lack of acknowledgement of aforementioned holiday to any and all sympathetic ears.

12. If you are male and want to purchase a card for your loved one, do not get the Valentines day card with the monkey rolling around in its own poop. This is a day when a sense of humour about the gifts is frowned upon. The only animals that is allowable on cards are puppies, kittens and bear cubs. Drawings of the aforementioned animals are also allowable, if they are of a sufficiently “cute” nature.

DO NOT. I repeat "DO NOT" use this image unless you are very certain you never want to sleep with the person you are sending this to.

13. If you are female and want to give your male partner a Valentines Day gift. There is no need. Wear the sexiest underwear you have (and no, men do not care if its brand new or something we’ve seen before. Really) + Put Out. That is all males expect/want from this holiday.

14. If you are male or female in a happy, caring, loving relationship – have sex. Lots and lots of sex. God said so.

EDIT: Thanks to Tanner for pointing out the typo in rule 7 🙂

Hello Motivation Monday, the day before Valentines… lets share the love! But please wear a condom ;)


RAWR!

Probably only do this if you're reading this from a laptop... Or else you'll look kinda silly 🙂

Pon & Zi! Awwwww

Did anyone feel like gummi bears after seeing this pic? Just me? Okay.

I'm not quite sure if this ones all mushy lovey dovey or inspirational...

 

This is walking very close toward the "creepy" side me thinks...

Okay I'm getting bored... I'm making laser gun noises now... *pew pew pew*

A few more to go... you'd think I'd just stop commenting rather than ruining everything by making silly comments.

 

I'm getting someone potatoes tomorrow! =D

True Story Bro.

LOL. Last one!

Again. everything came from the interwebs 🙂 so feel free to reuse! *grin*

Someone else also please use that last image…. its so awesome I can’t be the only one to make that into a card *grin*