NOTE: Don’t worry I have a perfectly good explanation for the above title of this blog post. Just keep reading and ignore the sudden urge to read this blog wearing a full body condom.
I am apparently one of those people who will never ever grow up, according to all my ex’s and my parents. They say I can become as much as a responsible adult as I could, but I would always be just some weird gadget/toy away from being a 6-year-old again.
Case in point; yesterday.
Yesterday a friend and I went to Questacon.
For those of you not in the know, Questacon is… well heaven on earth for geeky children of all ages. It one of those interactive science museum places where you can basically run around touching things, and making a nuisance of yourself.
It was my very first time.
Suffice to say, I did not act my age. I even got asked by the young lass at the counter if I had my student card with me to get a cheaper entry fee (bless her heart). Whether this was because I was goggling at all the whirring gizmo’s with the fascination that only a self-confessed science nerd could muster, or because I was on a high from the fifth can of red bull and ice cream and gummi bears I was trying to juggle as I paid my admission, or maybe because I was wearing the shit below and kept trying to manoeuvre myself so the arrow would be pointing at my friend.
But although I was running around making a fool of myself it wasn’t until we got to the gift shop that my true childishness really shone, and why I can honestly say “I got herpes and gonorrhoea at a science museum gift shop”.
You see they were selling these…
Yes. Those are plush toys that are representations of various micro organisms. So awesome that awesome that does not even begin to describe the awesomeness of it. I didn’t even know they had these for sale. I wanted an air compression gun, but alas they were out of those. But strolling through the gift shop, I stumbled upon the large toy bin holding these things. I had no idea what they were, and on initial inspection they brought a wry chuckle. This was only because the plush toys on top of the pile were “malaria”, “ebola” “pneumonia” and “the black plague”, diseases mainly. It was only when me and my friend were digging down through the pile did we hit pay dirt, and my true childish glee at the finding gross things funny come to fore. And when I say “we” I mean “me” cause she was busy looking at a cap with a little propeller on the top of it.
There were a couple of university gals going through the opposite side of the bin when I found it. The sunny ball of yellow that was herpes. I grabbed my friend on the arm shoved the herpes plush toy in her face and shouted “OH. MY. GOD. LOOK! IT’S HERPESSSSSSS!!” The university girls of course looked at me like I was insane. But the fact is if I don’t know you, I don’t really care what you think. So there I am, a 33-year-old man jumping up and down excited about a herpes toy.
Maybe those ex-girlfriends and my parents are right about the Peter Pan complex.
Anyways, my mate is aware of my propensity for the weird and bizarre, so she just looked at me in the exasperated way females whom I have friendships with look at me, while there I am holding up the plush toy, grinning like I’ve just discovered the unifying theory to meld quantum physics and general relativity. She slowly lowers my hand from the front of her face, and pats me gently on the arm. Mollified by her reaction I continue to trawl through the toy bin, aware that the university girls are looking at me like I’m going to attack them with the herpes toy. And that’s when I found “The Clap” (that’s gonorrhoea to you) . Giggling like a mad man I rush over to my friend and start yelling “Look! Look! I’ve got gonorrhoea too! Teeheeheehee” And again I receive that look and another pitying pat on the shoulder.
This is when I realise I may have embarrassed her enough for the day. While I have no shame, I realise my friends do, and when I come to my senses after geeking out like this I do try my best to damage control the situation.
But shouting “I’ve got herpes and gonorrhoea!” in a science museum full of children has no feasible way of mitigating damage already caused however. So I just brought her that cap with the propeller on it.
So there you have it… the story of how I got herpes and gonorrhoea at a science museum gift shop 🙂
AND if you’re lucky, you never know I could be giving you herpes and gonorrhoea some time in the near future *grin*
*** If you’re as strange as I am and find these microbe plush toys awesome, you can get them here.