Okay so I had a fairly big night on Saturday just past. I won’t regale you with all the boring details of what actually transpired, because:
a) stories that start with “Whoooaaa, I was like sooo smashed. So I…*insert crazy shenanigans here*” always turn out to be not as funny as the person telling them thinks it was
b) I actually don’t have much recollection of the events.
One thing I will say though is, Who0oaaa, I was like sooo smashed. So I jumped into a swimming pool fully clothed. Now for those t-shirt and jean wearing outings, this doesn’t seem to be such a big deal. It displays youthful exuberance and the propensity to dismiss societal norms. Or it could be that I was acting like a douche. But I was not wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I was in a suit and tie.
Thank god I had the presence of mind sometime during the night to park my phone elsewhere other than my pockets.
Now, for those of you who haven’t had the opportunity to dump their suits into a chlorinated pool, I can tell you this now. Chlorine is not good for suits. Or for silk ties. The suit is awash with weird stains, and the tie… well I’m not even sure how it happened but it turned inside out. As for the dress shirt, in tatters.
So upon waking up, I find myself in a strange bed with a multicoloured suit, no shirt, no tie and shoes still wet from the previously mentioned fully clothed swim. My wallet is also soaking wet. Thank god Australia has plastic currency (as in the notes are made from plastic not paper).
So of course I couldn’t actually go home in this state. I managed to borrow/beg/steal a singlet and shorts and bright yellow thongs for a quick trip to the local shopping centre, where in my still slightly inebbriated state, I blew nearly $400 on a new outfit. The shopping spree included:
– a pair of new grey trousers
– a matching button-up grey vest (rather than the suit jacket, great for the hotter months coming up)
– a white dress shirt
– a pair of cufflinks
– two ties, one basic black and the other black with a hint of some design
The only thing that I can say to really justify the above expenditure is that I can use all those items for both work and going-out. And that’s a pretty lame excuse.
What’s even worse this is the second time in the past six months that I have actually done this, so it’s not like I didn’t know that jumping into a pool with a suit on would ruin it.
So what did we learn?
Chlorine + Suits = Bad
Cap’n Sweatpants + Alcohol = Stupid
Next time I should just fall off the balcony, at least my private health insurance will cover those costs… and who knows… my suit could survive the fall 😛