Hello gym ettiquette or how to not disrupt Cap’n Sweatpants zen workout

I love the gym. While yes, sometimes its a chore to go, once I’m actually in the midst of a workout I enjoy it thoroughly.

This is because I tend to be a thinker. I think, and over think, and over think some more. The gym is the one place I can shut off my overactive brain and just run on autopilot. Maybe it links to some primal hind part of my male brain that thinks “ugh – lift heavy things – good!”. There is something immensely satisfying with working up a sweat by pushing your body to its limits. And the “good” ache you get from regular excercise. 

The past 9 or so months though I have had access to a fairly private gym. The apartment complex I lived in has its own gym, complete with treadmills, x-trainers, exercise bikes, rowing machines, free weights and benches. Oh and a pool. I’ve been using that and in the autumn/winter months I had it all to myself pretty much. There might be a couple of other residents there, but we all politely ignored each other and got on with getting fit.

Now, I have joined a public gym. And I have forgotten all the irritating little things that you have to face when working out at a public gym.

So to all those who share a gym-membership with me at my gym I give you these rules so I don’t take the 20kg dumbell and smack you in the head with it.

Click on pic to see where it came from... Just stumbled onto it. I give it the Sweatpants stamp of funny. 😛

1. Do use anti-persiperant/deodorant – Sure. You go to the gym to work up a good sweat I understand this. And yes, you can get a bit whiffy after a huge workout. I myself can get fairly smelly, but it’s a contained smell. I have tested this, don’t ask me how, but I have. So please understand, if I can smell you from 5 machines away, and every time the fans blow air from your direction I choke on your body odour, you really should get that looked at.

How YOU doin???

2. Don’t hit on the person next to me –  whether you’re a guy or a girl, if you try to chat someone up who’s working out next to me. I will be forced to leave the immediate area because of the gales of laughter that will ensue. If you are successful in your endeavours to finding a suitable mate – thumbs up! But please refrain from doing so in my earshot.

*breathe heavily while I look at you* hnnnggghhh hnnngghhhhh hngggghhhhh

3. Don’t be “the creepy person” – everyone knows what I’m talking about if they’ve ever been to a public gym. The person who will just stare at other people. Whether you be a girl or guy doing this, and no matter how hot you are, staring = creepy. If you really think someone is hot hit on them, but see point above and don’t do it near me.

Get in my belly! NOM NOM NOM.

4. Do not pose and flex in front of the mirror – Okay you’re proud of your body and the effort you’ve put into it. And sometimes you need the mirror to make sure your stance is right when you’re actually lifting weights. I usually always use the mirror to make sure I’m not hunching or swinging the weights, thereby injuring myself. And I’ve been known to check out the fact that I’ve lost my beer belly in the mirror, but, this is the important bit, in the privacy of my own home. Seriously, you just look like a douche.


5. Do not yell encouragements to yourself or others while you/they are lifting weights – Yelling “One more! One more! Push it you f*cker! Lift!” at the top of your lungs or any variants thereof, makes you just as bad as those who pose and flex in front of the mirror. i.e you are in douche territory.

So follow those five simple rules and it will ensure that I have a great mindless workout, and you don’t become the subject of a strongly worded email I will send to the gym management.


I might even use CAPS, bold text, italics, and underlines when I describe you (Yeah you heard me underlines, yeah. I’m hardcore like that), just to show how unhappy I am.

You have been warned.


6 responses to “Hello gym ettiquette or how to not disrupt Cap’n Sweatpants zen workout

  1. This post has made me unbelievably glad that I go to a womens only gym. Therefore, .01% of this applies (there’s one girl that goes to my gym that loves herself to pieces and stares at herself in the mirror like it’s going out of style, which it did). Can we add a no-nakedness clause? You know, when people are hanging out in the gym after their workout, they come out of the shower and let it all.hang.out? People, that’s what towels are for!

    • Hahahahaha… hey at least girls aren’t too bad to look at when they’re nekkid. You have not known fear until you’re bending down to tie your shoelaces and look up and have a a hairy man going full frontal inches from your face… *shudder*

  2. I have to agree with the DONT STARE clause. It’s creepy. It makes us feel uncomfortable. And during the winter time, it makes me leave the gym before it’s dark outside, because I think you’re out to rob people. Also, please dont hang around the locker rooms or shower rooms, as if you were hiding from that pesky trainer that is making sure you do what you came to do (exercise). If you need to hide in the bathroom for half hour, then pretend to work out for half hour, you should save the gas and stay home.

    • I’m actually glad the locker rooms in the gyms I’ve been members of have been pretty spartan. There’s really no point in hanging out, oh unless you want to flex your muscles in front of the full length mirror.

  3. There was a guy in the gym where I went that did not stink from afar or yell or flirt or stare. He did not have that kind of time. But, he never took his eyes off himself no matter what he was doing. He adjusted his shirt after every machine, tucking it into his shorts. Then, he had to rearrange it, adjusting the elastic band on the short so the shorts were evenly adjusted. Weird. None of the other guys retucked a shirt if one was untucked. He drove me crazy with his vanity. His name, I think, was Narcissus.

    • LOL. Yes I think people who go to the gym should be going to work out, not look good. I mean aside from you know “doing stuff” being sweaty and panting is not attractive. You’re at the gym to sweat and pant, not to model. 😛

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