I love the gym. While yes, sometimes its a chore to go, once I’m actually in the midst of a workout I enjoy it thoroughly.
This is because I tend to be a thinker. I think, and over think, and over think some more. The gym is the one place I can shut off my overactive brain and just run on autopilot. Maybe it links to some primal hind part of my male brain that thinks “ugh – lift heavy things – good!”. There is something immensely satisfying with working up a sweat by pushing your body to its limits. And the “good” ache you get from regular excercise.
The past 9 or so months though I have had access to a fairly private gym. The apartment complex I lived in has its own gym, complete with treadmills, x-trainers, exercise bikes, rowing machines, free weights and benches. Oh and a pool. I’ve been using that and in the autumn/winter months I had it all to myself pretty much. There might be a couple of other residents there, but we all politely ignored each other and got on with getting fit.
Now, I have joined a public gym. And I have forgotten all the irritating little things that you have to face when working out at a public gym.
So to all those who share a gym-membership with me at my gym I give you these rules so I don’t take the 20kg dumbell and smack you in the head with it.
1. Do use anti-persiperant/deodorant – Sure. You go to the gym to work up a good sweat I understand this. And yes, you can get a bit whiffy after a huge workout. I myself can get fairly smelly, but it’s a contained smell. I have tested this, don’t ask me how, but I have. So please understand, if I can smell you from 5 machines away, and every time the fans blow air from your direction I choke on your body odour, you really should get that looked at.
2. Don’t hit on the person next to me – whether you’re a guy or a girl, if you try to chat someone up who’s working out next to me. I will be forced to leave the immediate area because of the gales of laughter that will ensue. If you are successful in your endeavours to finding a suitable mate – thumbs up! But please refrain from doing so in my earshot.
3. Don’t be “the creepy person” – everyone knows what I’m talking about if they’ve ever been to a public gym. The person who will just stare at other people. Whether you be a girl or guy doing this, and no matter how hot you are, staring = creepy. If you really think someone is hot hit on them, but see point above and don’t do it near me.
4. Do not pose and flex in front of the mirror – Okay you’re proud of your body and the effort you’ve put into it. And sometimes you need the mirror to make sure your stance is right when you’re actually lifting weights. I usually always use the mirror to make sure I’m not hunching or swinging the weights, thereby injuring myself. And I’ve been known to check out the fact that I’ve lost my beer belly in the mirror, but, this is the important bit, in the privacy of my own home. Seriously, you just look like a douche.
5. Do not yell encouragements to yourself or others while you/they are lifting weights – Yelling “One more! One more! Push it you f*cker! Lift!” at the top of your lungs or any variants thereof, makes you just as bad as those who pose and flex in front of the mirror. i.e you are in douche territory.
So follow those five simple rules and it will ensure that I have a great mindless workout, and you don’t become the subject of a strongly worded email I will send to the gym management.
I might even use CAPS, bold text, italics, and underlines when I describe you (Yeah you heard me underlines, yeah. I’m hardcore like that), just to show how unhappy I am.
You have been warned.