Hello cool people, honestly I’m not one of you.

This post came about after discussions with my managers second-in-charge. She was basically giving me the low-down on the role and what I was expected to do, and the culture of the office where I will be seconded a few days out of every week. She told me it’s generally not as laid back as my current office and has a more high-level government feel.

We’re not slobby or sloppy here, but people can get away with taking off their work shoes and walking around in slippers if they want. One person actually does. And we’re not in the city centre and separate from the high muckety-mucks so we’re insulated from most of the politics that goes around.

She shows me the brief that they had drawn up over there as to what sort of skills they wanted in the person. While I had all of the necessary skills, my experience was something left to be desired.

And I just had to ask.

Why me?

She just looked at me funnily. Like I had told her I had performed some gross sexual act with her 19-year-old daughter.

Then she laughed.

That’s the first time I’ve ever seen you actually nervous, she told me. And that explains why you got the job. Ever since you walked into this place, you seemed like you owned the joint. You had no qualms with talking to anyone at any level, directors, clients or your co-workers. Anything we gave you got done. And you seem to have this ability not to piss anyone off, no matter how bad the news is you are telling them. You just seemed unflappable.

Then she pats me on the shoulder, it’s nice to know you’re human though.

This stunned me. As you readers are aware, I’m a bundle of neuroses, duct taped together with a lot baggage, and then smeared generously with crazy. Lots and lots of crazy. Then sprinkled with nuts. Hmmmm “nuts” *drool* (… I didn’t mean for that to sound as gay as it did… not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

The fact that they see me like this:

I am the master of my domain... Oh wait I forgot about last Sunday... (think Seinfeld... *waits for the "ewwww gross!" thoughts* ha-ha!)

When in actual fact I’m like this:

Oh my god! What am I doing?!?! I don't even know if this is right! Hell I don't even know if it's wrong!!! Argahhaggrhhh!!!

 Is mind-boggling. I didn’t think I was that good of an actor. Okay, I don’t actually scream out my neuroses out in the office, and I still haven’t done anything sweatpants-esque at my new role, but still! While yes I can do the work, I’m not even two months old in this organisation and they’re going to have me advising other people about processes and procedures I wasn’t aware of 8 weeks ago.

Then I got to thinking. Is this just nerves? Is this just me? Or does everyone have an inner duck paddling madly under the surface? Are we all just acting like we know what we’re doing? If for some whatever reason the inhibitions that force everyone to act the way that society perceives they should act, all fell apart and we were free to say and think exactly who we truly are… would I be surrounded by like-minded people who seem to be so in control when in fact they are a shoestring away from plunging into madness? Or would I be a lonesome crazy man, surrounded by the sane and the capable, pointing at the great big faker in their midst.



I’d like to think that we’re all of us, just a little crazy… despite the fact we rock it in a suit. 😀


7 responses to “Hello cool people, honestly I’m not one of you.

  1. I am actually not surprised. Somehow I can see that being you. Even if you are a wacko in hiding.

    Plus. I nice suit can really boost your confidence and totally throw people off.

  2. Fake it, till u make it! as “they” say!

    • Actually I just spent all day today revising the workload and everything they gave me. It’s fairly simple stuff and I’ve already come up with a workable plan to get everything all sorted in about a month (rather than the 3 month time frame they said). So I think it was just me freaking out, but ssshhhh only you guys know that it happened 😛

  3. I feel like I’m posing as an adult 90% of the time. It’s taken me at least a month to get used to wearing business clothes — for the longest time I felt (and thought I looked) like a six-year-old playing dress up in mommy’s clothes.

    So yes, we all feel like this, and we’re all just really, really good at hiding it

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