Hello open letter to the credit card companies who are stalking my blog.

My previous post had my waxing lyrically about the state of my credit rating.

And guess what I got in the mail today?

Citibank offering me a $10,000 limit increase (that’s on TOP of the $6,500 I currently have) and platinum card to replace my existing gold.

American Express offering me a $6,000 limit increase (on top of the $4,000 I currently have).

Westpac (that’s an Australian Bank) offering me quote – discount – unquote (and yes while you read that, have the vision of me doing air quotes) car loans.


I don’t think this has anything to do with my credit score actually getting better. I think (and yes it’s crazy of me to think this, if you want sane, don’t read this blog. Pineapple. *facial twitch*) that they are monitoring this blog and making sure that in those times when I seem to be doing well, or that I am about to do well, they send me all these things to tempt me out of frugality into the hot, pleasurable but ultimately deadly, hot-tub of debt.

So to all those credit card companies out there:

Dear Credit Card Companies/Financial Institutions/Lenders of all sorts.

Stop it.

Yes, I was dazzled by you when I was young. You lured me into your web of seduction, with hot wet whispers of suits, books, dvd’s and computer games. The thrill of instant gratification. 

Your girlish giggle, gave me goosebumps, as we shopped to our hearts content. The vigorous rubbing you got, from all those cash registers and cashiers, made you squeal in endless delight. And yes, back then, I thought this sexy. I thought that such behaviour made you a free spirit, not shackled by the conventions of society.

But now, I’ve come to realise the truth.

You didn’t love me for me. It was all a lie.

You were with me because of all the places I took you. That revolving restaurant in Sydney, the Louis Vuitton shop at the Rocks, the hotel in Madrid, that sweet little patisserie in Paris.

But that’s all over now. I’ve learned my lesson. I don’t want you in my life anymore.

And while I can’t make a clean break yet, there will come a time when I can look at you square in the eye and say “I don’t need you anymore” and hopefully sometime after I’ve left you behind be able to say to myself, “I don’t WANT you anymore”.

It’s going to be a long hard battle. So please, stop sending me your letters promising me more and more and more and more! I know you can give me everything you’ve promised, but it’s just too much price to pay for the transient happiness that you provide.

And yes, this isn’t all your fault. I’m big enough to admit that. It takes two to tango as they say. Maybe, down the road, there may be a future for us, but I’ll need to grow up a whole lot more before I let you become an active part of my life again.

But I guess whatever happens, we’ll always have Paris. 🙂

Cpt. Sweatpants


11 responses to “Hello open letter to the credit card companies who are stalking my blog.

  1. Well hello there, Capt! I’m baaaaaAAAaaack…

    I love this letter like I’ve been lovin’ me some Greek olive tapenade on my toast in the morning since returning from my vacay. I say a big “SCREW YOU” to those evil, monstrous credit companies. Stick those offers straight into an incinerator—burn, baby burn (disco inferno?)!!


    • Heeeeeeyyyy Hippy Hotshoting Homey (cause youre down like that) welcome baaaacccck!

      I know… I may go all Bufy the Vampire Slayer on the first credit card I pay off and drive a big pointy wooden stake through its heart. I may get disappointed if it doesn’t scream and then disintegrate into dust though 😛

  2. “hot wet whispers of suits”

    Really? Suits? When you were young?

    You must be amazingly dapper! I want pictures of your dapperness.

    You and credit card companies had quite a twisted love affair. You could write a sleazy romance novel and make millions.

    • Ummm… Nikster… remember I am 32. The words “amazingly dapper” could not be applied to the early to mid 90’s in anyway shape or form. My first suit was a micro-fibre monstrousity in brilliant shiny blueish-purple, shoulder pads that would have put the 80’s shame, and fit me like a potato sack. You want pictures? I am saying no so that you keep your sanity, because pictures of me in that outfit will have you giggling incessantly for the rest of your life 😛

      As for the love/hate/love/hate/lust/drunken romps i have with my credit cards, its like a soap opera. I keep waiting for one of them to tell me that they’re not really Amanda, but Amanda’s evil sister Cruella who was thought dead after she was lost in the jungles of Guatemala looking for the worlds biggest emerald. 😛

  3. This is great and funny – a nice read – thanks for the snickering you provided me. Now, you talked about your credit report, but did you get a score? What is it, approximately, if you know? I wouldn’t mind getting the tempting giggles in the mail. You can send the offers my way. What is your score, though? I want to know what score I need to have the credit card companies banging down my door.

    • Once I get the score don’t wory I will proclaim it for all the world to see, and to point and laugh at me. Cause nothing gets me going more than the pity and ridicule of people I don’t know on the internet 😉 Oh and comments. I luurrvvvve comments! *grin*

  4. Hello
    thank you for this wonderful website
    am llooking forward to seeing what you have to have to save
    thank yoyu

  5. That is one sexy f you letter. Have you used credit karma? It gives you the credit score for free.

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