So where have I been I hear you pondering. Well you probably haven’t been, but I will assume that you have because that’s the kind of egomaniacal delusions that get me up in the morning.
See the title of this blog. I actually haven’t talked about it much, cause well it’s pretty self-explanatory. My teeth, they are bad. Easy.
But they’ve gotten worse. I’m not saying I have boar-like tusks with which I could gore annoying people with, although that would be kind of cool, but they are kinda crooked. Not to the extent that little children will point at me on the street and laugh, but enough that if you’re looking at them its noticeable.
And I have also been cursed with flimsy enamel, so cavities were part and parcel of growing up for me. Since growing up though, I have tried to keep my dental hygiene maintenance at a pretty high level, but the damage was already done. I currently have 3 fillings, it was actually 4, but how that got reduced to 3 is the whole point of this tale of woe.
A few weeks ago, I was helping a friend move house, and through some idiotic action on my part, involving the use of a lampstand as a double-bladed light saber, I knocked the filling out of the top right molar. Please don’t ask for details, suffice to I have been inundated with the Star Wars Kid references by those who were present.
And so, being the busy-idiot that I am, I didn’t actually rush to the dentists immediately after it happened. No I waited, and waited, and waited, and waited. Until a week ago, when the inevitable happened. The tooth cracked. Straight to the root. I’m not too sure if anyone of you have experienced the kid of tooth pain that feels like hot-cold nails are being pounded into your jaw by a deranged gorilla, but you know it can and does get to the stage when the thought of setting fire to your head is considered as a good thing, rather than having to put up with the pain.
So I finally got around to the dentists, and he berated me like a school boy for not coming in earlier. Although his assistant was flirting with me, well until I opened my mouth and she saw the utter failure of my teeth. And of course the tooth couldn’t be saved, it had to come out. One hour later and a surprising amount of blood splatters later (seriously there was a LOT of blood, I could see splatters on the little light thing they use so they can have a look in your mouth) I come out of the dentists all swollen, giving a rather credible performance of John Merrick – The Elephant Man, and less one tooth.
I have been in a pain-killer induced coma since Thursday, and actually felt quite chipper when I rocked up to work this morning.
So what have we learned children?
1. Dental hygiene is important when you are young. You pay for it as you get old.
2. If you have a filling knocked out for whatever reason, go see a dentist. Right now.
3. Do not use a lampstand as a double bladed light saber. Even if you have perfected the “vrrmm” noise as heard in the movies.
4. Don’t ask the dentists assistant for a date when you have her bosses hand in your mouth. It makes everyone feel awkward.