Hello, guess who’s back?

So… many… unanswered …comments… odd numbers… every where… must even…go…crazy… AARGGAgagaggGGHRRHHH!

*three hours and many comment replies later*

Yes I am back early. Only cause people kept commenting on my posts and the unevenness of it all was eating away at me like unrequited love eats away at the soul of our being. Or how a fat man can eat through 5kgs (that’s ten pounds to you) of bacon… hmmm bacon… nom nom nom. But really, it’s cause I ran out of money 😛

Wow, a whole bunch of new people reading this too… *shifty eyes at new people* I’m watching you… yes you. Especially YOU. You know who you are. *waggles eyebrows* How YOU doin’? (ala Joey from Friends. Please tell me you’re all old enough to remember Friends…)

Now, this means that a few people have been breaking the first two rules of sweatpants. The first rule. You do not talk about sweatpants. The second rule. You do NOT talk about sweatpants! And yes there’s my obligatory and gratuitous Fight Club reference, as all male bloggers have to do, its in our by-laws.

So catch up time.

The trip

No, there will be no pictures of shenanigans from my little trip. I’m trying to keep this blog PG-13. Photos on my camera, will not help that cause. Photo’s on my phone should only be viewed while under a cold shower, while wearing lead-coated underwear and at the same time picturing what your parents were doing 9 months before your birthday.

I may regale you with stories of my misadventures, but only after enough time has passed that I cease to cringe in self-loathing every time I get reminded of them. So in about 50 years.

The budget

While still alive and breathing, it has taken a few too many slaps to the face and a powerfully swift kick to the groin (or if you’re a woman a punch on the boobs. I include that cause I know women don’t actually know exactly how painful getting kicked in the crotch is for men, just like we men will never know how painful squeezing something the size of a melon out of an opening the size of a lemon will be. So please don’t kick us in the nuts, and one day we’ll figure out how to have your babies. Deal?). But it’s still alive and trying to manfully crawl away from my spending spree with its tattered dignity trailing it like the dreaded piece of toilet paper stuck on your shoe as you come out of the rest room. While my credit cards ready the spit roast which they will use to feed on its carcass. They’re currently unaware that my old budget has launched an escape, and is only moments away from fre- …

*the sound of screams of outrage*

*the sound of a frightened scream*

*the sound of snapping of bones*

*the sound of the last gurgle of life escaping from throat*

*the sound of munching of crispy budget meat*

*the sound of credit cards dancing around the dead corpse of my budget while grovelling at the foot of their new god, an 101cm LED HD TV*

Ummm… okay… it’s dead.

Round 2.

The job (old & new)

The last few days at the old place was hectic. I basically had to design/create an entire training course for my role, manuals included. And they still have my number in case they get stuck. First phone call received at 8:38am this morning, 8 minutes after I would’ve started work.

I haven’t started the new job yet but, I’ve already bought a couple of suits and shirts and ties. (one of the many reasons my budget is lying in a six-foot hole somewhere out in the woods. One of the many, many reasons. Hmmm I need more of an incentive to save methinks… oohhh another post idea! Yay!)

And I think we’re caught up…

So…What’s been going on with you kids?


12 responses to “Hello, guess who’s back?

  1. You couldn’t stay away that long, could ya? Ha ha ha! I *knew* it! I knew you couldn’t stay away from your even numbered commenting that long. Tee he he!
    We’ve been talking amongst ourselves about the sweatpants, and let me tell ya, the things we’ve been saying….nipples and all that….
    BTW, your extraordinary sense of what us Moms do to give birth (melons & lemons reference) may get you inducted into the Official Girly Blogger Club. 🙂
    Goodness, Sweatpants! What did you do to your budget???!!!

    • Don’t ask about the budget… it was a bloodbath… all my credit cards ganged up on him. You know that seen in Shawshank Redemption when Andy first gets attacked by the sisters in the laundry… it was like that. I cried like a baby…

  2. Stories of misadventures? Photos of shenanigans? Cold showers and melons and lemons? Regale, regale!!!

    Welcome back!

  3. Welcome back. Sounds like you had fun. The expensive kind but fun none the less.

  4. Welcome back !! Seriously dude: pictures and stories. Just for us: We won’t tell anyone.. (geez, its not like you’re posting personal things on the internet or anything!)

    • Hahahahahahaha… I’m trying to write one up that actually tells you guys what happened but protects the identities of those involved 😛 Just finding it difficult not to name names… it’ll happen, sometime, maybe, probably…

  5. I’ve been on a lucky streak for the last 24 hours; a big unexpected rebate, some half.com sales, free concert tickets and hotel room, but you coming back early is the best surprise yet.

    • WOOHOO!! My coming in early is a bonus? Sweeeeet…. thats the first time me coming early was seen as a good thing…. *snickering at dirty joke* *waiting for everyone else to catch up with my dirty mind* *waaait for it* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA see funny huh 😛

  6. the broke sensualist

    Welcome back, Captain! I hope you had a nice getaway. I want to see pictures, too. Just blur out the faces. Show ’em or your trip never happened! 😉

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