Hello (female) bloggers, I have a question…


Sayyyyy ittttt....

Authors Warning: I’m not trying to be controversial here, but its possible this could hit a few nerves (I don’t know whether or not I’m being offensive or irritatingly curious some times). That’s not my intention, I am actually very curious about this phenomenon and what the root cause may be. Then kill it. With fire.

Okay this is a question that has been bugging me for a while, I’ve asked my female friends, girls I’ve dated (once I’ve gone on enough dates that I can show off how weird my brain works without them running for the hills), girls I’ve been in relationships with, random girls in bars (if I get realllllly drunk) and basically anyone I feel comfortable enough to ask these type of cockamamie questions (and I have a million of them). And I have NEVER gotten an answer that is even remotely satisfactory or even provides the smallest hint of an explanation.

This has nothing to do with Personal Finance by the way, my mind just kinda spat it out. Oh wait, it was inspired by Niki’s and Broke’s comments on this post. So there is a tenuous link to PF blogging I guess. So I will continue.

And while the title does direct this to female bloggers, if the miniscule number of male bloggers out there have their own opinion please feel free to pipe up!

Anyways, the question is:

Why is it that women don’t ever admit that they’re awesome? Do you actually know you’re awesome but just don’t want to verbalise it? Or (this is worse) you don’t even realise you pure awesomeness?

Now this is the majority of females from my own experience (and of course there will always be exceptions, if you’re one let us know!). I have met a couple of exceptions, and frankly it was kind of refreshing.

I have met so many women who are doing things unheard of in the land of male-dom. They have like a gajillion different things going on in their life, career, kids, relationships, working out, hobbies, friends, cooking, cleaning, blogging, school etc etc etc (that’s all I can think of, I’m sure there’s more). They may not have everything on that list but I’d say most women have at least 5 things on that list that they are excelling at, yet you pay them a compliment, they seem amazed that you’ve noticed or try to downplay it.

  1. “Oh it was nothing. Just a little something I whipped up”
  2. “How do I manage two jobs and studying? Oh I don’t know I just muddle through I guess…”
  3. “Anyone can raise two kids, make great meals, and pay off consumer debt completely whilst on a budget!”
  4. “My investment portfolio is too small!”
  5. “But anyone can play a musical instrument well they just need to practice!”
  6. “I only study part-time so that really doesn’t count.”
  7. “Its only $1000 in the emergency fund, overall it’s not much.”
  8. “I only got the job cause I got lucky…”

Let me break it down to you kiddies:

  1. Something that looks and tastes this good and you MADE IT makes you awesome.
  2. Being able to have enough energy to do all that makes you awesome.
  3. I’m not even going to talk to you anymore cause you’re just way too freaking awesome.
  4. Who has an investment portfolio at your age??!?!? Stop being so awesome.
  5. No. Lets face it, not everyone is as talented as you. Period. You are awesome. Deal with it.
  6. Anyone who can work AND study at the same time is awesome. That is what you are.
  7. I haven’t saved $1000 dollars! Please please please realise how awesome you are for reaching this goal!
  8. NO! You got the job cause you are awesome!

You know what, if any guy I knew was doing half the stuff that you chicks were doing, there would be a parade with a marching band a great big float with our name in neon lights proclaiming our awesomeness to the world in general. We don’t need you to tell us of our awesomeness, don’t get me wrong, I’m not proposing that you have to tell us that we’re awesome. We KNOW we are awesome because of all that we’ve achieved

If I clean my apartment I am awesome.

If I clean my apartment WELL Awesome x 2.

If I clean my apartment (well), cook dinner and go to the gym. Awesome cubed.

If I clean my apartment (well), cook dinner, go to the gym and blog. I’m still awesome but let me sleep cause doing all that tired me out. I’ll have the energy to do it all again in 6 months…But I’m still awesome.

If I clean my apartment (well), cook dinner, go to the gym, blog, go to work, go to class, do some shopping and catch up with some friends. Get me a bra and some tampons cause I’m a girl. And I’d be awesome at it.

So…

When was the last time you accepted and proclaimed your own awesomeness? Say it loud and say it proud ladies!

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47 responses to “Hello (female) bloggers, I have a question…

  1. hahaha oh dear.. I think it’s because the novelty of achieving something wears off as soon as you get near it — before you even accomplish it. Like, I thought it would be a really big deal to save $5000, but when I got to $3000 I realized that $5000 wasn’t that much at all, so I needed $10,000 and so on.

    I guess we don’t realize how “awesome” we are because there always seems to be something better just out of reach. It’s easy to take yourself for granted when you just get used to your achievements =p

    • O_O
      See I dont get that at all… to me, saving $3000 I’d be doing the wave at the ATM every time I see my balance. If I got to $5,000 I’d be walking down the street like Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. And I do understand that you can’t sit on your laurels, but there’s also nothing wrong with realising you’ve achieved a goal, and to congratulate yourself for reaching said goal. Me I’d say… “Holy *** ***** ***** I saved $3000! I’m freaking awesome! If I save $5000 I’ll be super-duper awesome!”

  2. Great post. It is just the way a women’s brain works. There is always something we aren’t doing, or something we could be doing better. For example: I have a full time job, have 2 kids to raise, go to the gym 3x’s a week, do the cooking and most of the cleaning at home, do the finances (which include budgeting getting out of debt), and I am in the process of starting a business cause I don’t want to be away from my kiddies as much as I am, but rather than saying I am doing a great job, my mind says: “Why can’t you keep the house clean durning the week? Why don’t you make fancy meals like your neighbor?”

    It really comes down to how our brain works. We beg (without begging out loud) for someone (husband, friend, anyone) to tell us we are awesome because we are not going to say it ourselves. But what we really need to learn is that we can’t do it all ourselves, and what we are complishing is pretty amazing.

    Thanks for a good post.

    • O_O
      That. Is. Insane.
      I don’t even… can’t even… what in the… how are you still alive doing all of that stuff??!?!?! I have a migraine just thinking about it. See you are a prime example, you’re doing all these amazing things, but you find things you can do better, rather than see the things you’re already doing great. And btw, you are freaking awesome!

  3. In my (vast) experience as a girl:
    Girls are brainwashed at a young age to believe that no one likes a bragger. We’re taught that we need to be modest about our achievements, particularly in front of boys because boys are threatened by girls who do things better than they do. Eventually girls realize that this is complete bullshit but still go about their lives being quietly awesome and not bragging.

    • See but who does this brain washing? I have two sisters, one older and a younger one. And my parents raised us all the same (I think) and I knew they could do stuff better than me (my older sister is a better artist, my younger sister is better with money) but at the same time I also knew that I was better at them at some things… for one, I’m the prettiest *grin*
      If my sisters ever read this they’re gonna slap me so hard…

      • In my case the brainwashing was done by my Mom, although I don’t think it was an evil agenda on her part. My mom can do anything, but she doesn’t always believe that, so I think I picked up on that attitude at a young age. I think my parents raise my (younger) brother and I with the same standards and rules, and they tried really hard never to compare us to the other. However, its not so easy when you both go to the same school, have the same teachers, etc. My brother was in 3rd grade when he finally got diagnosed with a learning disability. Until then, because I was such a good student, and my brother kept getting in trouble (with teachers) for not being on the same level, I think I learned not to shine too bright.

  4. I think that women often feel like they are not doing enough, aren’t good enough, earned enough, etc. because we hold ourselves to higher standards than we would expect for anyone else. I know personally that I expect way too much of myself, thus reducing my ability to see myself as awesome. Yet, if I were to look at my daily life as if it were someone else’s, I would tout that person’s major accomplishments, ie. self-employed business owner, part-time SAHM, debt reducer extrordinaire, saving money for the future maven, etc., etc., etc.
    But because it’s me, I just think there is so much more I could be doing. 😉
    (BTW, I am sooooo making a post and/or challenge out of this. Thanks for the idea, Captain!)

    • But whyyyyyyy!?!?! Why do you feel like you have to be doing more?? Can’t you realise when you do stuff just how awesome you are? I mean, I do a bit of a butt-shaking if I make some fancy schmancy dinner, even if I spent the rest of the day before in pyjamas watching TV. Actually, that would probably make me feel awesome, BECAUSE I spent the day in pyjamas watching TV and I’m now making yummy food. And you’re welcome!

  5. Modesty is the most awesomest of my qualities!

    I think everyone has already said the cause/reasons for this phenomenon. We are always trying to do better, we hold ourselves to a higher standard and who likes a bragger anyway.

    You’re right though, we should bask in our awesomness more.

    Oh yeah, I’m awesome!

    • But see, I’m not sure its bragging. I think there’s a difference between acknowledging your awesomeness and then there’s bragging.
      Me saying: “Hooray I’ve lost all my chubby flubber weight!” would be me acknowledging my awesomeness at losing weight.
      Me saying :”I’m so super muscly and all ripped and buff, like totally dude.” *flex muscles* would be bragging and being a douche.
      Girls see the difference… don’t they?

  6. Have you ever read a magazine targeted at women (fashion or otherwise)? The media, and Mothers, spend hours thinking of new things you need to do/accomplish, even womens’ sports mags! Be a better lover; how to get that perfect hair; be a better negotiator; stay-at-home-moms worry are told they’re not accomplished enough; working moms are told they’re neglecting their children. The most recent thing I saw was about fat knees. Seriously.

    Mens’ magazines aren’t phrased like this, though they’re starting to be (see Mens’ Health, Maxim). Also, many women love to tear other women down; that’s all about low self-esteem, a product of certain parents and the media.

    And…ditto what the other posters said. Dixid’s comment is reflected in Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office (enlightening and stupid all at once. the book, that is; the comment is dead on).

    • I’ve taken one of those Cosmo tests while waiting at a doctors office once… Apparently I’m a “Samantha” 😛
      You know someone should write to these mags and tell them to write an article that just tells women to slow the hell down, take a breath, look at what they’ve accomplished through someone else’s eyes and revel in their own magnificence. Women are empathetic right? That should be easy! 🙂

  7. My wife acknowledge her awesomeness to me all the time. I think female doesn’t like to show off to strangers. If they are really close to someone, they wouldn’t mind showing off.

    • I do have a friend (who I call my Mutual Admiration Buddy) and we bask in each others awesomeness. Then I have my sisters, who when they tell me something and I “awesome” them, they downplay it (and they know me the best). And again I don’t think its showing off just telling people what you’ve accomplished and being proud of that accomplishment.

  8. Love Kim’s explanation. Too true. Once, a company came to our high school, looking to pick just one kid to intern with them for a $10/hour (that’s a lot back then!). I got the job. But it was quickly followed by my female high school career counselor saying to me, “Remember, be modest about it.” Oh okay, fine. I won’t rub it in the boys’ faces 😦

    I do like to celebrate mini-victories to myself Napoleon Dynamite-style (like beating a super-powerful male-driven Porsche GT3 at last week’s race). A quiet “Yesss!” with the inward arm-elbow motion is all I need 😀

    • Back then??? Huh?? You’re only in your 20’s arent you??
      Its fine to be modest about something, but you can be modest and yet still be awesome. See… you telling us how you beat that Porsche is a perfect example… it says you’re proud of your accomplishments, have recognised your awesomeness but aren’t being a douche about it.

  9. I definitely have a hard time accepting compliments, and no way do I believe I’m awesome! Like many previous commenters discussed, girls are raised to keep quiet about our accomplishments. We feel like the things we do are just expected of us and no one should praise us for them. We are also conditioned to have low self-esteem because we can never measure up to the images of women we’re shown in the media.

    Personally, it’s hard for me to accept compliments because I honestly don’t believe the person is being truthful. For example, if someone says I’m smart, I immediately downplay it because I don’t feel like I’m any smarter than anyone else. I may know more in a particular situation, but that’s just because I have previous experience or I googled a lot. Anyone can do that.

    I think guys don’t realize how lucky they are to be raised to pat themselves on the back and accept praise. Even when I post something positive on my blog, like when I paid off my last credit card, I worried about how other people would perceive me. Did they think I was showing off? Did I come across and smug and superior because I didn’t have CC debt anymore? Those are the kinds of worries women struggle with constantly.

    • Constantly??? Really??? Women think like this ALL the time??? You gotta be yanking my chain… How do you handle it? It’d be like if someone was over my shoulder all the time telling me I could do stuff better… that person would get a punch in the head. And trust me, you did not come across as smug or superior, you came across as awesome. And got me to thinking, how can I be as awesome as Andrea? Seriously.

  10. Maybe my brain is wired differently from other women, but I love showing off how awesome I am! I think it’s because i was the youngest child in a family of high-achievers, so the only way to get attention was to always me doing my own PR.

    So I don’t think it’s necessarily a female thing per se.

    • YAY! We have an exception! I’m glad there’s one out there… I come from a family of high achievers, and was a high achiever myself until I was about 15 then the hormones kicked in, and well, same ol’ story. Its taken 17 years but I’ve finally gotten them under control. But even during that whole rebellion stage, I still thought I was awesome, I was horribly wrong I know that now. But now I’m awesome for knowing I was a douche back then… see how it works?

  11. Geez, Cap’n Sweatpants (hmmmm..brings to mind flannel that clings in all the wrong places), if you could nail down why women don’t Donald Trump themselves all over the place you’d have the makings of a best seller. Women have come a long way. My grandmother (who just passed away 3yrs ago) was born in 1914 in Canada where in many parts of the country women still weren’t allowed to vote. As a child her father was “responsible” for her and he “handed” her over to her husband when she married him and left his house & moved into hubby’s. Just until a this last couple of generations women were one man away from poverty. This really wasn’t much different from the US/Australia. We’ve come a lonnnnnggg way from those times but we’re still held back by the notion that we have to better to be considered just as good. This is especially true in male dominated industries. It’s not ladylike to blow your own horn or brag. Anyway, it’s an interesting study to see how differently men and women look at the same thing. I bet your father, or his friends look at the women coming up today as brash, outspoken, a bit too bold. That’s just how they were raised.
    Anyway, keep that great attitude CSP and you’ll never lack for the ladies!

    • Do women really have it that bad? Okay as a guy, I really have no idea (yeah I had to go to a few feminism classes at university, but I had a really terrible lecturer, and she made it sooooo boring). See I think why I have such a problem seeing this disparity between guys and girls, is my parents. My parents raised me and my sisters to think everyone is both unique and equal (you try explaining that philosophy to a hyper-active 10 year old Captain Sweatpants…) unless they’re hatefully bigoted. Then you just walk away from those people. So I treat everyone the same and I assume everyone is awesome (since I’ve just eaten bacon for dinner therefore am feeling awesome)… I’ve found most people are if given the chance.

  12. the broke sensualist

    You know what? I was going to write a blog post about the same topic. Seriously I was. I had the idea hit me last week but I didn’t end up writing it. Not awesome, I know. But, now I will. 🙂

    But you’re right: Why don’t we women acknowledge our awesomeness? You’ve heard most of the reasons, and a lot of it has to do with how our society perceives women. We’ve come a long way in the last 30 years but we’re still really behind.

    I know for me, I do have some difficulty accepting a compliment or not turning something positive into a negative. I don’t always do it but I still do it. I constantly have to remind myself to not think that way and to remind myself that I do some pretty awesome and amazing things.

    • Dude. You were one of the ones that inspired this post! 🙂 (it was you and Nikster) When you wrote you were “flattered” to be included in my favourites list. If I were you, I wouldn’t be flattered. I would think “Heck yeah, I should be in your favourites! Now subscribe! Subscribe!” 😉 It was just that whole disparity about how I would react and how you two ladies reacted that set it off. So thank you for being as awesome as you are *grin*

      • the broke sensualist

        Wait, you don’t subscribe to my blog??? Now, this changes everything! 😉

      • That was hypothetical… as in if someone said you were awesome and HADN’T subscribed to your blog yet. Me not subscribe to your blog? Eees crazee talk senorita… you ees crazee (my apologies to any spanish speaking peoples reading this blog for the outlandish and inappropriate attempt at sounding like Speedy Gonzalez, and to any Speedy Gonzalez fans out there)

  13. Pingback: Because I Am Awesome | The Broke Sensualist

  14. Well I can’t really weigh in because – yes, I am awesome.

    I am awesome because I work full time and go to school. I am awesome because I save up money & don’t take out loans. Because I am a feminist, & I can (sort of) cook without killing anyone, because I read, because I can hold an intelligent conversation, because I clean up like nobody’s business.

    I’m awesome because I punch stereotypes in the groin by working in construction and hauling lumber and knowing every type of wood there possibly is. Im awesome cause, after a long day hauling said lumber, I embrace my femininity and can do my hair and look hot like the best of them.

    But this isn’t about my awesomeness, and I do admit I’m a little out of the ordinary when it comes to my ability to admit what I love about myself (and, of course, what I hate about myself.. but we won’t get into that ;))

    I discussed this with a friend before, and the general consensus between us was that, women don’t like to talk about their awesomeness because doing all those things that you talked about in the post seems like every day activity to us. & because we have to do those things (maybe to prove ourselves). & because we are also creatures that judge through comparison.

    Example: Okay, “Anyone can raise two kids, make great meals, and pay off consumer debt completely whilst on a budget!”, but Suzie raises THREE kids, makes AMAZING meals, never even HAD consumer debt, and has a killer body on top of that.

    See what I mean? When you compare, it doesn’t seem so awesome.

    Men don’t compare as much as women do (to my knowledge). I’m sure that the whole “keeping up with the Jones’s” thing CAME from women. Women have always been expected to do it all.

    Now that this is turning into a novel, lets analyze one more thing.

    Traditionally, in the land of dinosaurs and cavepeople, men held the jobs down and the women stayed home.

    So if we look at that closer, men brought home the money by doing the 9-5, the women took care of:

    The house, the kids (sometimes several of them!), her appearance, the shopping, the cleaning, the mending of clothes, the cooking (breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks), sickly family members, their man (back then, men didn’t take care of themselves)… and more. Even if they were pregnant, sick, broke, or had 18 kids, this was all the women’s territory. The men just went to work and came home and ate the dinner that the wife put on the table and sat in front of the tv relaxing after his “hard” day.

    So because women have typically “done it all”, it doesn’t seem like a huge deal.

    But it is. It is really ingrained in our culture that all of that is not that big of a deal. But that’s just my opinion.

    Sorry for the novel..

  15. I just stumbled across your blog for the first time, and I have to tell you that this post made me laugh out loud and nod my head in agreement. Thank you!

    • I have to confess I’ve been reading yours for a few days, but I havent commented cause usually my comments are kinda stupid and I didnt want to dumb down your blog *grin* But NOW that you’ve commented on mine… well you’ve just opened the flood gates deena >:) Well you wont get any till the 31st (see next post as to why) but you’ll get some… eventually.

  16. I love long comments. Keep em coming!
    Yay another exception. I’m glad you realise your awesomeness Vodka (yes I know thats not your name, but its stuck in my head, and I like giving nicknames anyways)
    Now I can’t speak for all men. But I know I compare myself with other people. My high school friends for example. All either are married, have kids, have progressed significantly in their career, have a house and mortgage or on their way. I am not looking to be married any time in the significant future, waaaaay too irresponsible for kids, have only just recently progressed in my career, and the bank would laugh in my face if I asked for a home loan.
    BUT!
    I have traveled by myself through Europe. I’ve lived on a tropical island. I’ve swam in the Great Barrier Reef at midnight, when the bio-luminescent micro-organisms of the reef made the water glow and sparkle as you swam. I’ve swam with a tiger shark. I’ve gotten myself through depression.
    So their achievements dont detract from my own, but sort of show me that my successes are just in a totally different set of reality from theirs. I’m happy for them, and I realise my awesomeness at the same time, instead of trying to compare on some sort of universal scale who’s life is better.

    • the broke sensualist

      Comparing one’s self to others is deadly. I did it for years, and in everything: career, personal life, artistic life… And it wasn’t until a few short years ago that I’ve stopped. A huge weight has been lifted and I am so much happier for it.

      • There’s no harm in comparing yourself to others, if they can do something better, then good for them, but then think of all the things you can do better than them. Or if nothing comes to mind think… “well at least Im hotter”… its what I do ;P

  17. Exactly.

    I think men definitely compare themselves. It’s human nature to look at somebody elses life and find the ways in which they live theirs better. I know lots of men who won’t acknowledge when they’ve done something awesome, too. It just seems to be more women who brush it off.

    But can I just say that I think its GREAT that you still compliment them. Don’t get discouraged, because women do definitely appreciate the acknowledgement, even if they don’t take the compliment very well.

  18. Wow, great post! I’m feeling quite awesome right now; thanks for reminding me that paying my way through school, landing an awesome job (which I always say I got because I was at the right place at the right time), having the ability to clean and cook (well… really well), having a budget and an emergency fund, having hobbies and great friends is, in fact, absolutely awesome.

  19. I will admit I haven’t read all the responses, so this is just my humble opinion.

    The standard for awesomeness depends on who you are talking to. If a woman is talking to another woman…it is almost expected that the baseline for “just doing your job” is work, kids, house, errands, etc. Women expect that other women will just do it. You don’t reach awesomeness until you really start to pile it on.

    Men talking to other men….the bar I think is lower between you guys.

    And then you get into men talking to women….you think we are so awesome because we do so much “more” than you do. We see it as part of the job. On the flipside…women would see awesomeness in men in a different way….and I hate to say this…but for alot of women that equates to monetary success.

    It took me a VERY long time to realize some of my accomplishments were not standard, every day fare:

    I worked a full time job, a part time job, and went to graduate school….and graduated with a 3.97/4.00.
    I have a highly special needs child, and he takes ALOT of time. Yet I still have another child, and a job, and volunteer at the school.
    I am actively trying to pay off debt.
    I am a great friend.

    So there……

    • You forgot to finish that sentence “So there… I’m awesome!” 🙂
      Again, how in the world do you do all that stuff? I mean sure the bar is lower for guys (basically car, tv, computer/gaming stuff, girlfriend, if any of those are hot… you’re a winner) but I think the time frame for us to achieve these things is also a lot longer. And okay its part of the job, but you women do an amazing job of it… hell I’d screw something up within the first five minutes.

  20. LOL! OMG I’m so glad Niki linked to you because THIS post is awesome and you are hilarious and now I will follow you to the ends of the blogosphere.

    Now for my theory:

    Women hang out in packs. We can’t help it. We gravitate to each other. This means we know of the many awesome things *other* women do and we always know women who do either *more* things than we do or they do the things we do even better than we do. So while we can appreciate a particular compliment or acknowledgement or whatever, we also know of at least 15 different examples of that very same accomplishment or that accomplishment being executed even better.

    It’s because we’re competitive in different ways. Guys are competitive in a points system and that’s why you all often congratulate your wins one by one. You did it and you scored a (life) point and a point’s a point in the game of (male) life so woo hoo! You’re winning!

    Women aren’t like that. A point is never a point. We submit ourselves to judging- a more nuanced and heavily subjective scoring system.

    In other words, where men live life like a football game, women live it like a figure skating tournament. You guys have world champions and we have gold, silver, and bronze medalists. And flowers. Of course.

  21. This is a fantastic post. I tend to go back & forth between downplaying my accomplishments and screaming out loud about them, and I’m not exactly sure why I do either! My blog highlights a lot of my accomplishments as they relate to personal finance, but it barely scrapes the surface of my awesomeness. Taking a page from, in your words, Vodka:

    I work a full-time job plus two part-time jobs, I go to grad school part-time for my third Masters, I bike 22 miles a day to commute to/from work plus fit in a training schedule for marathons and ultra marathons (50+ miles at one time), I made my down-payment for my condo 100% on my own and pay for my mortgage by myself, I paid off $14K in credit card debt in one year (not so awesome for accumulating it, but you live & learn!), I do my own home improvements (from an entire reno of my place–including drywall and crown molding by myself to last night when I spent 2 hours with a sledgehammer removing a concrete walkway in my yard), I keep my home meticulously clean (I sweep/vacuum/dust/wash counters & sinks daily), I cook and bake, I am well-read and traveled, I socialize regularly with my friends, and I have a great relationship with my BF. Did I mention I also manage 2 blogs and get 8+ hours of sleep every night? Booya!

    Thanks for posting this. I’m seriously loving it and the comments. Thanks for the opportunity to toot my own horn in a welcomed way–I agree that women don’t do it enough!

  22. Ummm this is cause I couldnt reply to mutant girls re-comment for some reason… its my blog! I should be able to comment where I want *holds breath till he can comment where he wants*

  23. Its social conditioning, pure and simple. Girls just never have as much confidence as boys from the moment they pop our the womb. Boys are more competitive (mostly) so probably get more stuff earlier and more regularly than girls. I think girls get more confidence as they get older but also women are generally more modest. We are used to multi-tasking so its no big deal. That’s not to say juggling to keep all those balls in the air isn’t hard – it can be. You are right – we are totally awesome. However its still a man’s world. When are we ever going to see a female president?

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