Hello cigarettes, you cost me a LOT of money over the years.

Okay, I said I was quitting last week, but stress took over, and needed a cigarette. But I will quit soon! Now that I’ve got more monkeys to help me, there will be less need for me to stress. Good timing too cause I’ve been so under the pump lately I’ve started getting bald patches on, wait for it… MY FACE! That’s right, I have a full head of hair, but last week when I was so busy I didn’t shave, I found I have a couple of bald spots on my chin and cheek. BALD SPOTS! ON MY FACE! WTF!

But yes I will quit very shortly, I promise! Pinky swear even!

Thinking about it though, I have spent a fortune on cigarettes over the 10 years I’ve been a smoker. I’ve never been a heavy smoker, two packs a week at the most (compared to a pack a day smokers). With the exception of when I’m out and drinking and I can go through 3 packs easily. But I don’t go out so much anymore, so I’ve cut it back down.

The problem is, here in good ol’ ‘stralia, cigarettes are pretty expensive. About $15 for a 20-pack and $20 for a 25-pack (I’m rounding up, but essentially thats what I budget for). Now if I guesstimate the number of packs I smoke a week, including my binge smoking nights, and my non-binge weeks I would probably say about 4 packs a week (I went out a lot back in my 20’s, it’s only since I hit the big 3-0 that I’ve managed to cut that part of my life out, if I maintained the same level of going out that number would probably be around 6 packs a week). So thats $80 a week.

A quick calculation…

$80 x 52 weeks x 10 years = $41,600.

Excuse my language… but holy fuck balls!

Forty one thousand and six hundred dollars! That is insane! That’s a 10% deposit for a 3 bedroom  house in the suburbs. Or a 1 bedroom apartment in the city. Or a shiny new Civic Type-R WITH all the added extras. That blew my mind.

Then I started thinking about all the other substances (yes I had a bad boy stage, and yes, completely over it) I consumed over the years. And how much THEY cost me.

Illicit substances back in the good ol’ late 90’s and early 00’s. Say 3 years worth of substance abuse. At $100 a weekend for various substances.

$100 x 52 x 3 = $15,600.

Excuse my language again… but you’ve gotta be shitting me!

So this is where my money went over the years. And here I was racking my brains trying to figure out why I have absolutely no assetts of value to show for the decade and a half I’ve been working. It’s all tar build up in my lungs and burned out synapses in my brain. Which I’m telling you aren’t really good investments. I can just imagine going up to my bank manager to ask for a home loan.

Bank Manager: So, you’ve listed here you have $57,200 worth of assets accumulated over the years.

Me: Yup, I’ve got ten years worth of tar build up from smoking in my lungs, and I’m pretty sure I’ve damaged my brain through substance abuse after 3 years of partying and drug abuse. What you’re looking at now is 50 grand worth of living baby!

Bank Manager: Hold on while I call security to beat you down.

So is there anything you do/own (or did/owned) that could be considered a luxury (or a very bad judgement call) that if you calculate how much you paid for these things over the years you come up with a ridiculously large amount of money?

And please don’t count books.

We need books to live. 😛


6 responses to “Hello cigarettes, you cost me a LOT of money over the years.

  1. This is my vice also… Recently worked out I had spent approximately $34,000 (conservative estimate, ignoring those binge weekends) on cigarettes since I started. I also calculated that I’d smoked about 62,000 individual cigarettes. THAT was the number I found most frightening. I have decided its time to quit too – let me know how you go and if you find a good method!

  2. I used to smoke. A pack a day. I have a little bit of an obsessive personality. I don’t even want to add it up, I would get mad at myself.

    I stopped smoking almost 5 years ago and never looked back. I just stopped cold turkey, it was surprisingly easy, except after eating, that sucked. I think it helped that my husband quit at the same time.

    I hope you can quit, who cares about your health, think of all the money you’ll save!

  3. 2 years ago I could’ve done cold turkey… now I dont think so. Im trying the weaning method first… and of course wasabi coated peanuts. Hmm so what youre saying is I need a husband to quit? That might be going a bit too far having to have a sex change and all just to quit smoking… 😛

    • No no no.. you have to do wasabi coated cigarettes! One puff and a coughed up lung later, you’ll be all “what the fcuk am I smoking?!” and stop instantly. Well, that’s what my solution whenever my younger sister/dog/cat/bird/plane wouldn’t stop an addictive habit (biting nails, chewing on shoes, peeing in corners, eating the dog’s food, and charging checked-in luggage fees, respectively).

      And in reply to an earlier comment of yours: Don’t stop the verbal diarrhea. That’s your trademark 😀

      • Wasabi coated cigarettes… only in your mind (and possibly mine) could such a concoction be envisaged. You made your younger sister/cat/dog/bird/plane smoke wasabi coated cigarettes?? How did they use a lighter??? Well I’m sure your sister wouldve smart enough to work it out… but the cat/dog/bird/plane dont have opposable thumbs! You my friend are an evil genius. And frankly… I’m a little turned on… 😛

        Oh and replying to my reply to your reply about verbal diarrhea… its done! Too late! The next post will consist of *gasp* 27 words. And dedicated to you 😛

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