Monthly Archives: August 2011

Hello last day of winter, watch me get distrac- girl in short skirt!


Trying to get back into writing everyday after that weeks break is a little difficult. I keep finding myself being distracted by the smallest thing. New DVD’s I haven’t watched. New show on Discovery channel. Random Texts, females walking by the cafe window in short skirts. There goes another one… Man, I love spring.

I do have a few pics, but most are of me doing incredibly silly things with various small objects (and for those whose mind went straight to the gutter… dude, that’s kinda gross).  But think The Hangover, at the end of the movie with a montage of their antics, you get the picture. Me using shot glasses as binoculars. Me balancing a spoon on my nose. Me looking very drunk on a couch looking like I’m debating with a stuffed bear, and losing (where that couch is I’m not too sure, it looks like someones house, but we stayed in hotels…o_O) Me with chopsticks in my mouth pretending to be a walrus. Me and my friend with chopsticks in our mouths pretending to be walrus having a fight for the right to mate with a female walrus. (we weren’t calling anyone a female walrus, that would be mean, we’re silly drunks, not mean drunks)

I am typing this away at my local cafe with a hot cup of coffee, watching the world go by. I live in the city in Australia which would probably be comparable to Washington D.C.. It’s the bureaucratic and government hub of Australia. So it attracts a lot of younger workers, add to that the high income level of even a mid-level government bureaucrat, and penchant for those with “boring” jobs to dress a little more hotly to compensate, you get a lot of women in distractingly short skirts roaming around – woman in very short skirt! Very, very short. Oh come on lady, that’s barely a belt! That’s so not fair! I’m trying to work here! –  when there’s even a glimmer of warmth in the air.

I’ve been trying to work out exactly how much I spent last week, (well actually I was trying to work out a new budget but after the first 5 minutes I knew that wasn’t going to happen and gave up :P) and I’m afraid with all the distractions strutting their stuff past this cafe window, this is about as far as I’ve gotten…

Trip = $800 ish

2 Suits + 2 Business Shirt + 1 pair Dress Shoes = $1500 ish

Pair of proscription glasses = $150 ish

Pair of prescription sunglasses = $270 ish

A new LED HD TV = $299 (bargain!)

A new bluray player = $199

A whole slew of new blurays = $450 ish

A new coffee table = $150 ish

A new book shelf = $100 ish

A couple of new PC games = $100 ish

So that’s a total of $4000 ish worth of money I have spent in a week. *gulp* About $1000 (????) of that was actually money saved, the rest *mumblemumblewentonmycreditcardmumblemumble*. I know! I know! Bad Sweatpants! BAD! I’m not even sure which credit card I put what on. Yes I kinda go nuts when I let loose. I dread to think what my statements will look like this month.

I’ll be good for the remainder of the year. Cross my heart. So sometime next week (or maybe the week after) once I get my paycheck, budget 2.0 will be unveiled.

Oh and also remind me once I start doing the budget for new role, to NOT do it in a cafe on the main street of the city. Cause seriously I can’t even get a a complete sentence out of my hea- hot gal in short skirt!

DAMN IT!

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Hello, guess who’s back?


So… many… unanswered …comments… odd numbers… every where… must even…go…crazy… AARGGAgagaggGGHRRHHH!

*three hours and many comment replies later*

Yes I am back early. Only cause people kept commenting on my posts and the unevenness of it all was eating away at me like unrequited love eats away at the soul of our being. Or how a fat man can eat through 5kgs (that’s ten pounds to you) of bacon… hmmm bacon… nom nom nom. But really, it’s cause I ran out of money 😛

Wow, a whole bunch of new people reading this too… *shifty eyes at new people* I’m watching you… yes you. Especially YOU. You know who you are. *waggles eyebrows* How YOU doin’? (ala Joey from Friends. Please tell me you’re all old enough to remember Friends…)

Now, this means that a few people have been breaking the first two rules of sweatpants. The first rule. You do not talk about sweatpants. The second rule. You do NOT talk about sweatpants! And yes there’s my obligatory and gratuitous Fight Club reference, as all male bloggers have to do, its in our by-laws.

So catch up time.

The trip

No, there will be no pictures of shenanigans from my little trip. I’m trying to keep this blog PG-13. Photos on my camera, will not help that cause. Photo’s on my phone should only be viewed while under a cold shower, while wearing lead-coated underwear and at the same time picturing what your parents were doing 9 months before your birthday.

I may regale you with stories of my misadventures, but only after enough time has passed that I cease to cringe in self-loathing every time I get reminded of them. So in about 50 years.

The budget

While still alive and breathing, it has taken a few too many slaps to the face and a powerfully swift kick to the groin (or if you’re a woman a punch on the boobs. I include that cause I know women don’t actually know exactly how painful getting kicked in the crotch is for men, just like we men will never know how painful squeezing something the size of a melon out of an opening the size of a lemon will be. So please don’t kick us in the nuts, and one day we’ll figure out how to have your babies. Deal?). But it’s still alive and trying to manfully crawl away from my spending spree with its tattered dignity trailing it like the dreaded piece of toilet paper stuck on your shoe as you come out of the rest room. While my credit cards ready the spit roast which they will use to feed on its carcass. They’re currently unaware that my old budget has launched an escape, and is only moments away from fre- …

*the sound of screams of outrage*

*the sound of a frightened scream*

*the sound of snapping of bones*

*the sound of the last gurgle of life escaping from throat*

*the sound of munching of crispy budget meat*

*the sound of credit cards dancing around the dead corpse of my budget while grovelling at the foot of their new god, an 101cm LED HD TV*

Ummm… okay… it’s dead.

Round 2.

The job (old & new)

The last few days at the old place was hectic. I basically had to design/create an entire training course for my role, manuals included. And they still have my number in case they get stuck. First phone call received at 8:38am this morning, 8 minutes after I would’ve started work.

I haven’t started the new job yet but, I’ve already bought a couple of suits and shirts and ties. (one of the many reasons my budget is lying in a six-foot hole somewhere out in the woods. One of the many, many reasons. Hmmm I need more of an incentive to save methinks… oohhh another post idea! Yay!)

And I think we’re caught up…

So…What’s been going on with you kids?

Hello 40 days and 40 posts and “So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehen, good-bye”


Instead of sex, I blogged...

Yes this is in reference to that movie, and if you haven’t seen it, there’s no real need. And no, I did not molest anyone with a flower during the writing of this blog.

And seriously, if you don’t know the second movie reference in the title, you need to watch more brain numbing television, or else how are you going to get all of my pop culture references when we go for coffee? Huh? Huh? Answer that! Now put the newspaper down, stop talking to loved ones and veg out in front of the television. Do it! Do it now!

So this is my 4oth post. Well actually I think this might be 41, cause of that second post about the job in Sweatpantese (which was invented by the lovely Laney), but whats a couple of posts in between mates right?Although she got “hurricane is coming towards the state of Hawaii” and “I, Captain Sweatpants will be visiting Hawaii in the near future” mixed up… Waitacottonpickingminute… Laney! *shakes fist* 😉

I know I said I was going to blog every day of August, but I’ve managed to finagle a little holiday/road trip with a bunch of friends for the week and a half to celebrate my new role. There will be plenty of shenanigans, maybe a few high jinx, a lot of misbehaving, and if there’s time, a bit of tomfoolery. So this’ll be my last post until the 31st of August when I get back 🙂

And since I’m packing my bags and trying to type this out at the same time, there is no time for me to create forward dated posts. But don’t worry I’ll be back… but probably not daily… And just to let you know whats coming!

  • I will be doing the unthinkable. I will be posting pics of before I started working out, and the results achieved after 8 months of working out. I seem to have plateaued so I need some suggestions on how to get to the next level. So yes, cover your eyes ladies, there will be nipples *insert cheesy 70’s porn music here*
  • While I’m away, I’ll probably go shopping for a few suits. In here will be  rant about both the guilt, and the stupidly child-like excitement  I have buying them and wearing one after so long. Maybe pics.
  • A new budget! I’ll try to use a few of the tricks and tips suggested by you crazy kids. Actually, I may ask for some help on that actually. And no I do not use a crayon when I make up my budgets thank you very much. Crayons are for eating… nom nom nom.
  • Moving? It may be possible that I will have to move apartments in a couple of months, so again the headaches and the disasters that will ensue when you combine Captain Sweatpants with heavy pieces of furniture, some rope and a third floor apartment with a balcony (you can see where I’m going with this right?).
  • The second installment of my favourite bloggers and which television/movie character goes with who.
Anyways, I’ll catch everyone in a couple of weeks! Everyone better damn well have at least one post for me to read *glares* when I get back…. *glares again even more menacingly*
Grrrr. (thats me growling in meaness. Stop laughing Vodka!)

Hello (female) bloggers, I have a question…


Sayyyyy ittttt....

Authors Warning: I’m not trying to be controversial here, but its possible this could hit a few nerves (I don’t know whether or not I’m being offensive or irritatingly curious some times). That’s not my intention, I am actually very curious about this phenomenon and what the root cause may be. Then kill it. With fire.

Okay this is a question that has been bugging me for a while, I’ve asked my female friends, girls I’ve dated (once I’ve gone on enough dates that I can show off how weird my brain works without them running for the hills), girls I’ve been in relationships with, random girls in bars (if I get realllllly drunk) and basically anyone I feel comfortable enough to ask these type of cockamamie questions (and I have a million of them). And I have NEVER gotten an answer that is even remotely satisfactory or even provides the smallest hint of an explanation.

This has nothing to do with Personal Finance by the way, my mind just kinda spat it out. Oh wait, it was inspired by Niki’s and Broke’s comments on this post. So there is a tenuous link to PF blogging I guess. So I will continue.

And while the title does direct this to female bloggers, if the miniscule number of male bloggers out there have their own opinion please feel free to pipe up!

Anyways, the question is:

Why is it that women don’t ever admit that they’re awesome? Do you actually know you’re awesome but just don’t want to verbalise it? Or (this is worse) you don’t even realise you pure awesomeness?

Now this is the majority of females from my own experience (and of course there will always be exceptions, if you’re one let us know!). I have met a couple of exceptions, and frankly it was kind of refreshing.

I have met so many women who are doing things unheard of in the land of male-dom. They have like a gajillion different things going on in their life, career, kids, relationships, working out, hobbies, friends, cooking, cleaning, blogging, school etc etc etc (that’s all I can think of, I’m sure there’s more). They may not have everything on that list but I’d say most women have at least 5 things on that list that they are excelling at, yet you pay them a compliment, they seem amazed that you’ve noticed or try to downplay it.

  1. “Oh it was nothing. Just a little something I whipped up”
  2. “How do I manage two jobs and studying? Oh I don’t know I just muddle through I guess…”
  3. “Anyone can raise two kids, make great meals, and pay off consumer debt completely whilst on a budget!”
  4. “My investment portfolio is too small!”
  5. “But anyone can play a musical instrument well they just need to practice!”
  6. “I only study part-time so that really doesn’t count.”
  7. “Its only $1000 in the emergency fund, overall it’s not much.”
  8. “I only got the job cause I got lucky…”

Let me break it down to you kiddies:

  1. Something that looks and tastes this good and you MADE IT makes you awesome.
  2. Being able to have enough energy to do all that makes you awesome.
  3. I’m not even going to talk to you anymore cause you’re just way too freaking awesome.
  4. Who has an investment portfolio at your age??!?!? Stop being so awesome.
  5. No. Lets face it, not everyone is as talented as you. Period. You are awesome. Deal with it.
  6. Anyone who can work AND study at the same time is awesome. That is what you are.
  7. I haven’t saved $1000 dollars! Please please please realise how awesome you are for reaching this goal!
  8. NO! You got the job cause you are awesome!

You know what, if any guy I knew was doing half the stuff that you chicks were doing, there would be a parade with a marching band a great big float with our name in neon lights proclaiming our awesomeness to the world in general. We don’t need you to tell us of our awesomeness, don’t get me wrong, I’m not proposing that you have to tell us that we’re awesome. We KNOW we are awesome because of all that we’ve achieved

If I clean my apartment I am awesome.

If I clean my apartment WELL Awesome x 2.

If I clean my apartment (well), cook dinner and go to the gym. Awesome cubed.

If I clean my apartment (well), cook dinner, go to the gym and blog. I’m still awesome but let me sleep cause doing all that tired me out. I’ll have the energy to do it all again in 6 months…But I’m still awesome.

If I clean my apartment (well), cook dinner, go to the gym, blog, go to work, go to class, do some shopping and catch up with some friends. Get me a bra and some tampons cause I’m a girl. And I’d be awesome at it.

So…

When was the last time you accepted and proclaimed your own awesomeness? Say it loud and say it proud ladies!

Hello awesome news week, lets share the love!


Just going through my blog list, this week of August has seemed to produce a plethora of good news. Which has basically inspired me to for the very first time (I think it’s the first time, I don’t keep track of the stuff I’ve written on here) to link love my most favouritest (it’s a word!) bloggers.

I will also be trying to describe their writing style and provide a photo of a fictional TV/Movie character I think describes their blog style to a tee.

These are the awesome of the awesome. The ones with the right stuff. The ones who have been blessed with the power of eloquence, style and lets face it who are probably more sexy than me.

I know, I know… that’s soooo hard to belive (sarcasm alert! sarcasm alert!). But we have to face the truth, I’m as heart-broken as all of you are (sarcasm overload! warning! imminent joke failure!) to have to acknowledge that in terms of sexiness I come second. (KA-BOOM!)

PS If I haven’t included you, its cause you’re TOO sexy/talented/can fit a whole can of tuna in your mouth/are able to touch your toes when you stretch forward/can do the “robot” without looking like a douche/have other skills that make me yearn for you, to be added onto this list without me getting all school boy shy on you, and it will also reveal the amount of stalking I’ve done on your blog but not commenting (I swear its not the creepy kind of stalking! I have pants on when I read your blogs! I swear!).

First of all theirs the Nikster. Who is the Queen of Awesome.

Her good news this week is that she and her hubby have completely zeroed off their consumer debt. If that’s not worth my doing the chicken dance for them, then I don’t know what is.

But read the rest of her posts too. She always has these ridiculously amazing looking photos of food in her posts. Her writing style is akin to that cool older sister that can give advice, spout wisdom but also be funny.

The person I can see typing away on the other side of the screen is…

Allison Cameron from House. :

Admit it Nikster... you blog while wearing a white coat dont you?

 
Then we have Bike. And her good news is that she has an awesome credit score. God, I don’t think I even realised credit scores existed when I was her age… Damn Gen Y. Always so much smarter than me!
Again don’t just read the linked post read it all!

 Her writing style reminds me of a that chick from 10 Things I Hate About You. There’s a little sass, a lot of spunk and spirit. To paraphrase her co-star Heath Ledger in his Academy Award winning performance.. “She’s got a little fight in her. I like that.”

And yes, I’m not afraid to admit it, she scares me a little 😉 Don’t hit me in the face Bike! NoooOOOoo not the face! Not my beautiful face!!! 😛

I can see one eyebrow raising in bemused tolerance at my inanity from Bike right now...

 
Next there’s Broke. Well she bought a book and is calling asparagus names. I’m not sure why… I think she may have been attacked by an asparagus. I haven’t read about it in her blog so it could be too traumatic to talk about.
 
But she reminds me of Abby from NCIS. Ridiculously smart, weird (but in a good hot way), slightly left of the centre, and has a farting hippopotamus as a cuddle toy. Maybe. I don’t know for sure (and I swear if you have one it was a lucky guess! I’m not stalking you *hides behind curtain*) I can just picture that.
 

Can anyone else picture Broke in pigtails really easily?

  
And last but not least, we have Laney. Who else could Laney’s writing style be other than Penny from Big Bang Theory? With her ability to keep up with the banter from us nerdy types, intelligent in a non-scary way, could probably drive circles around me, she waitresses (okay only part-time but still!), can carry 50kgs worth of IT equipment while wearing those red soled shoes, is probably the junior rodeo champion in Hawaii and can hog-tie and castrate a young calf in under 25 seconds. And lets not forget her large mannish hands (haha kidding kidding! Not the face!).

Oh and her good news is that she has paid off one of her credit cards! See, smart, sexy and good with money. This is why we all hate you Laney 🙂 *grin* I’m kidding, we lurrrvvveee you. Or do we?? Nah we do. Or do we??? 😉

That's Laney surrounded by her entourage of blogging nerds. 🙂

And if you strongly disagree with who I’ve paired who up with. Well what can I say… I’m all the way over in Australia and you’re not! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Do your worst! *grin*

I had more but this post is already getting too long. More to come when I can find the time.

 

Hello new career. I got the job!


Igotthejob!Igotthejob!Igotthejob!Igotthejob!

Igotthejob!Igotthejob!Igotthejob!Igotthejob!

Igotthejob!Igotthejob!Igotthejob!Igotthejob!

Igotthejob!Igotthejob!Igotthejob!Igotthejob!

I have been jumping up and down, doing the running  man, and the melbourne shuffle all around the office, since I got the news.

Honestly, it is awesome.

How awesome? The awesomest awesome since awesome came to awesome town (this used to be Niki but I’m sorry Nikster you have been trumped, you’re still awesome though ;)).

The perks.

  • I will be earning an EXTRA $1000 per month! That’s $12,000 a year… and that’s AFTER tax!!!

Like wow. Seriously wow. Even if I got nothing else from this place, that massive pay rise is just pure awesome. IF (and that’s a big IF, a huge IF. If normal words were an elephant, this IF would be if an elephant mated with a blue whale, had the baby. This baby then was put on growth hormones, cause his parents didn’t want him to get made fun of cause he has a big nose and no legs. The baby then grows up, gets into body building and takes steroids. It’s THAT huge) I pump the whole of that $1000 into debt repayments, then I will be completely debt free in 10 months, rather than the tentative 15-16 months (according to my calculations the last payment I make in 2012 would bring me to $0 debt, but that doesn’t account for interest on one of the cards. If I factor in interest I’m guessing it would add another 2 months to my debt schedule) that I had planned. But don’t worry I’m going to blow a couple of paychecks (at least) on suits. With the loss of weight/gain of muscle over the past few years none of my suits really fit me well anymore. They fit, but they’re tight across the shoulders and I’m swimming in them around the middle. So don’t worry I’ll be around for a while at least. 😛

  • I get 10% into my superannuation rather than the normal 9%

Superannuation is like your 401K (I think, 401K is the fund you guys have for retirement right?). And basically whatever job you get, your employer has to contribute at least 9% of your gross salary into a fund. You can contribute on top of that and again your contribution comes out of your gross salary, so if you contribute enough you may fall into a lesser tax bracket, and so you pay less income tax! I get 10%. Sure its only a 1% increase but accumulatively it becomes quite a bit of dosh.

  • I choose my own hours

I didn’t even know that this perk was part of the deal. They just dropped it on me when they said I got the job. And it’s not “I pick to start at 11am, so I have to start at 11am everyday and finish at 7pm every day”its more like “I think I’ll start at 9am tomorrow, and then start 12pm on Friday.” I can basically come in any time I want as long as work… wait for it…

  • I only have to work 37 hours

Not even 8 hours a day! What the hell? Okay admittedly there will be weeks when I will put in a crap load of unpaid overtime, but there will also be weeks when I can just cruise those 37 hours! Win!

  • I get to wear suits again!

I miss wearing a suit and tie. I think this stems from going to a All-Boys-Catholic High School, where the uniform was a tie and blazer. It just doesn’t feel like I’m going to work when I’m not wearing a tie. I feel like a faker (hey look he’s pretending to be a grown up… what a faker! FAKER!)

  • I get to readjust my budget!

Since I’ll be paid fortnightly and my budget is in a weekly format, I’ll have to readjust my budget spreadsheet to reflect the change of rate of pay, and also the amounts that’s going in, the payments that will be made… FUN! 🙂 (yes I’m a nerd… shuddup)

So anyways, I start on the 1st of September. I finish off here on the 26th of August, which means I’ll have a 5 day weekend! Triple awesome with a double awesome flip and a twist of awesome!

Today, is a good day.

Remind me about today if 9 months from now I’m complaining about work 😛

Hello new job update….


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Words. Me. Do. Together. Explain. Stuff. Later.