Hello coffee machine at work, me likey coffee! Nom, nom, nom!

While my job is mind numbing, a dead end, thankless and bereft of any kind of career progression within the company (thus my wish to pursue a career in either firefighting or policing) it does have its perks.

One of those perks is free coffee. And not just the instant crap. Real life beans and and that steamy wand thing on it that heats up the milk (thats right I’m getting all technical barista crap on you). And yes I cannot live without my morning, mid-morning. early-midday, midday, late-midday, early-afternoon, mid-afternoon and late-afternoon cup of coffee. My brain just cannot function. I have even trained the other managers at work to be able to distinguish between the me who has already had some coffee, to the me that has not yet had coffee, and to please refrain from asking the latter any questions. Especially stupid questions. Stupid funny questions are alright.

Questions such as “Does this look like a pineapple?” when you are in fact holding a kiwifruit, are perfectly okay to ask me before my morning coffee, as I will merely look at you dumbly, and then laugh, but only after that first glorious sip of brown gold. After the second sip I’ll ask you what drugs you took.

Questions such as, “Did you send me that report?” when you are sitting in front of your desk, with your computer on, in your email client, and I can see that you have 50 gajillion unread messages, and there’s mine from yesterday, sent at 12PM, it is now 9am the following day.  *breathe breathe breathe* THOSE questions will result in my using my superpowers to blow up your brain.

But anyways.


So I’v calculated with the amount of coffee I drink, I save about $30 a day. Noice.

And we also get served lunch. Its nothing fancy (albeit since the new general manager came around, getting fancier) but its hot and its food. I’m a boy, that’s pretty much all we need. Thats at least another $10 a day.

So thats a total of $40 a day. $200 a week!

That’s the equivalent of a $10,000 pay rise.

Spank me twice on my left butt cheek and call me Daisy-Mae, that is a significant amount of savings.

And then I realised that my suppliers (god bless their attempts at bribery) also on occasion gift me with items. I got a martini making set from one, a bottle of very pricey chianti from another, several bottles of whiskey from one of my favourites, chocolates and lots of other stuff. Adding all that I’ve received in the past three months (it takes me roughly 3 months to smart-arse my way into a suppliers confidence, don’t ask me why three months, but its just the way the schedule pans out ever since I got into buying), it comes up to nearly $1000.


As I said its a soul sucking, spirit crushing, mind destroying job. But at least its given me the opportunity to save a significant amount of money. Plus I get stuff!

Just like my momma said, “In every cloud, there is a cup of hot, brewed coffee in a silver mug”, or something along those lines. I dunno, I was too young for caffeine when she had the habit of saying things like that.

PS: I caved and got a haircut and shaved yesterday. I am once again disgustingly clean-cut.


4 responses to “Hello coffee machine at work, me likey coffee! Nom, nom, nom!

  1. Confession: I go to work on the weekends to make myself a cup of free coffee.

    But we don’t get free lunch every day. Shocks, pegs… lucky!

  2. Yay for savings and looking ten years younger!

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